Awkward Admiration
by MrsBigTuna
Summary: What if Toby remembered what he was going to ask Pam? A story about two lonely people. Taken place during ‘The Convention’ and through Season 3. PamToby
1. JAva Jargon

_**Disclaimer: I do not own The Office. Any characters and trademarks belong to their respective owners. Any copyright infringements are unintentional. **_

_Summary: What if Toby remembered what he was going to ask Pam? A story about two lonely people. Taken place during 'The Convention' and through Season 3. Pam/Toby _

_A/N: This story has been in my mind for a while. I know that many of my readers know that I'm a HUGE fan of Dwangela and that I tend to branch out to underrated characters. Well… I'm venturing to a ship that not many people are with… Pam/Toby. I beg you to not hate me. Just have an open mind. That's all I ever wanted. LOL. _

**September 27, 2006**

**10:34am**

Michael and Dwight had left the office for the weekend. An entire day without Michael wreaking havoc or tainting the walls of the aimless paper company. Peace seemed to settle upon the lowly employees, knowing that their incompetent boss and his faithful lackey were far away to not cause trouble. As the phones rang and keyboards were tapped lightly, Toby was admiring her from afar.

Toby was in the kitchen, making a fresh pot of coffee and hearing Kelly talk about her date with Ryan and her neighbor down the hall. She kept asking Toby what colors would look great on her and would blend well with Ryan's complexion. As the steady rhythm of Kelly's voice slowly dulled to the back of his mind, Toby was dazzled at how Pam's hair shined in the dull fluorescent lights.

He studied how her auburn tendrils cascaded over her lone shoulders and how it curled around her small earlobes, magnifying the delicate nature of her presence. He noticed how her eyes lingered by the computer, longing for the solitary game of FreeCell to help her escape her boredom. He noted how they would sparkle a moment when the door opened, wishing to see someone familiar walk through, praying for that face to return. He observed how her lips formed casual greetings over the phone to give the listener a comforting tone. How her lips turned down when Michael commented on something 'funny' he heard on television. But what he noticed the most was how her lips turned up as he approached her, giving his heart to her without even trying.

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Pam was in the middle of a rather dull game of FreeCell. She distinctly remembered playing the same game a few weeks ago, but she couldn't be sure. As she made a quick scan of the office, trying not to concentrate on the left side of the office where he used to sit, she noticed Toby in the kitchen with Kelly. She remembered the date that she was supposed to go on that evening, still feeling anxious about the situation. She tended to forget how persuasive Kelly could be, and now she was stuck on some ridiculous date with some random guy with cartoon comics that lacked depth or for that matter… comedy. She smiled tentatively at Toby, noticing how his mouth formed comforting words to his coworkers, never failing to show some interest in their problems or how his lips always seemed to turn up in her presence. She chuckled to see him so afraid whenever he left the annex, knowing that Michael could pounce any moment, but how his eyes seemed to find hers and seemed at peace. She knew that her and Toby weren't exactly friends but she hoped in time they could be.

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His throat closed for a brief moment before he spoke, "Hey Pam." He playfully drummed on her desk, trying to relieve some stress from uttering those words.

Pam was relieved to leave the disappointing game she was playing, "Hey Toby. How's it going?" She smiled sweetly, glancing up at her melancholy coworker.

Toby smiled down at her, feeling his neck pulsate under his necktie, "I… um…" He chuckled at his nervousness. "I forgot what I was gonna ask you…"

Pam blushed, "Well… if you remember, I'll be here." She smiled again and turned back to her computer to respond to an email.

Toby nodded, "Okay… I will." He started to turn around, knowing he missed his chance. As he stepped toward the kitchen, something inside him told him to try again. He wasn't sure if he was having an aneurysm or showing early signs of schizophrenia, but he turned around and marched back to the receptionist, "Actually, I do remember."

Pam looked up from her computer, "Oh… what's up?" She smiled again, taken by surprise by the determined glare in Toby's eyes.

Toby seemed at peace with the sight of her lips up turned, as if light itself started at the curve of her smile. "I was… um… wondering if you wanted to go for some coffee with me at lunch." He sighed quietly, feeling slightly at ease. "I just –

"Is everything alright? It isn't Sasha, is it?" Pam seemed genuinely concerned.

Toby was touched by her sincere display of concern for Sasha and himself. He chuckled, "No, nothing like that. I just wanted to leave the office for a while and uh… I don't know…. talk to someone." He smiled sheepishly, absentmindedly scratching the back of his neck, trying to release some tension that had built up from the stress of asking the beautiful receptionist out for coffee.

Pam seemed taken aback by the proposal. She enjoyed the rare moments when Toby and her spoke and she knew that they shared a mutual interest in the arts and he even at times could be funny. She liked the fact that someone else in the office knew about Chaucer and Tennessee Williams and Monet and Mary Cassett. It was nice to talk to someone who wasn't checking her out or making obscene comments about her. It was nice just to be around someone… normal.

She smiled sweetly again, "Yeah, sure. That's sounds great." She chuckled, "I'm feeling a bit sluggish today anyway." She checked the clock, "How about noon?"

Toby turned around, but already knew the answer "Sounds good." He drummed again on her desk, "Meet me at the elevator?"

Pam nodded, "Yeah, okay. See ya then." She turned back to her computer as he walked back to his desk. He waited until he was safely at his desk to smile toothily. Back at reception, Pam couldn't help but smile as well.

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**11:54 am**

As Pam collected her belongings, she felt a bit anxious about her coffee break with Toby. He never really showed any interest in her before now, nothing outside of office relations. They might share some niceties at the vending machines or chip about the weather in the kitchen or how they needed to buy a new coffee maker for the break room, but being asked out for a coffee run was... different. Although the idea of having coffee with Toby was unimaginable, knowing that today would be different from her humdrum existence was oddly refreshing.

Toby was anxious about his coffee break with Pam as he was leaving the annex. He was both surprised and joyful about his boldness to ask her out, even though it was just a java run. He hoped he didn't seem so excited but having the opportunity to spend time with Pam was something that he couldn't help but anticipate.

They greeted each other, both feeling awkward but relieved that they could escape the dull drone of their fluorescent-lighted playground.

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They made the quick walk to the local 'Java Hut', chatting about the unseasonable warmth of the September afternoon. They commented about the convention that Michael had gone to and hoped that Dwight didn't mess things up. They arrived at the coffee shop and took a small table in the corner.

Pam look up at the menu in he front, "So, what do you want?"

Toby bit his tongue before he uttered, "You." He took hold of his composure and ushered Pam to sit, "I'll take care of it. What do you want?"

Pam shook her head slightly, "Um… are you sure?"

Toby nodded, "Sure I'm sure." He glanced back at the menu, "So, what can I get ya?"

Pam blushed as she sat down, "Um… a chai tea. Uh… grande. Thanks." She smiled as he turned around dutifully and stood in line. As he was waiting in line, Pam watched the cars go by outside. She couldn't help but wonder where they were headed and wondered what their travels would bring them, like her own.

As Toby came back to the corner carrying their beverages, he smiled, as she looked outside, thinking and scheming, imagining and dreaming, knowing that whatever she was doing was beautiful. He sat down, startling her and passed over her tea.

"Sorry it took so long." He chuckled, "Some guy in front of me had like twenty orders. And every order had like twenty different ingredients in them." He took the lid off his Irish Crème and took a sip. "But it's definitely fresh."

Pam chuckled, "Good to know." She took two packages of sugar and shook them before pouring them into her cup. She watched as he too glanced outside the window, watching the cars go by. "It's hypnotic, isn't it?"

Toby was pulled from his daydreaming of picnicking with Pam in the south of France, "What?"

Pam budded her head toward the street, "Watching the cars. I used to watch them pass like that when I was a kid. I could spend the entire meal looking out the window, wondering where they were going, how they were feeling. If they were excited, scared, anxious, sad, happy, relieved." She chuckled a little more, "I used to make up stories in my head, just imagining what they were doing or going and sometimes I'd sketch their destinations."

Toby smiled, feeling honored to receive this tiny tidbit into the mind of Pam. He enjoyed her close proximity and her vacant expression as she drifted back to the window. He smiled, "So… what type of stories did you make up?"

Pam looked from the window, "Um… I don't know." She giggled, which took her by surprise as well as Toby. "I… uh… I'd dream up these crazy stories. I would think that someone was late for a job interview, and was anxious about the impression they would make on their new boss."

Toby shook his head, "That's not crazy."

Pam chuckled, "I'm not finished." She took a sip of tea, smiling up a him. "I would think that he would get so nervous that he decided to blow the whole thing off and head for the border."

Toby laughed out loud, "The Border? Which one?" He too took another sip from his cup, smiling at his company.

Pam shrugged, "I don't know." She chuckled, "Does it matter?"

Toby nodded, "Of course it _matters_. If they're going to Canada, they have to have a coat and they might have to speak French and if they're going to Mexico, they have to speak Spanish and they have to have a bathing suit."

Pam nodded, "I guess your right. Okay… let's say that they are going to Canada."

Toby made a face, "Yuck, the weather's horrible this time of year."

Pam shook her head, "Nope. Global Warming."

Toby shook his head, "It's still cruddy up there."

Pam shrugged, "Well… I say it's beautiful. This is my story anyway."

Toby nodded, "Fair enough." He looked out the window again, "Which car?"

Pam smiled and looked out the window. She scanned the street, looking at the different cars at the intersection. "Hmm… so many to chose from…" As she saw a Honda Civic and Nissan Altima, she noticed a red Toyota Corolla. Her heart jumped for a moment until she saw a elderly woman behind the wheel. "Um… how about that one." She settled for the green Honda Civic.

Toby shook his head, "No way. He would never go to Canada." He finished off his coffee and placed it aside.

Pam scrunched her face, "Why not?"

Toby shrugged, "Doesn't look like the type." He scanned the street when his eyes landed on the perfect candidate, "How about that one?"

Pam followed his gaze, landing on a crimson Ford Focus driven by young woman with brown hair in a ponytail. She seemed determined as she looked straight ahead. Pam smiled as she looked at the woman, a small part of her wishing that she could be riding along side her, "Yeah, definitely going to Canada." She smiled and looked across the table, instantly taking back her secret wish. "Nice one."

Toby shrugged again, "What can I say? I have a gift." He chuckled, being joined by Pam. He felt goose bumps ride up his arms as Pam's laughter sang along with his, giving it a pure ring.

After the Focus drove off from their vision, Toby cleared his throat, "So... um... how's your art classes going?"

Pam looked over the rim of her cup incredulously, "How'd you know about my classes?"

Toby shrugged, "Kelly mentioned it to me about twenty times."

Pam looked legitimately surprised, "Really?"

Toby nodded, "Yeah. She was telling me about all the things that you've been doing."

Pam smirked, "Really? Huh... I really didn't think that you and Kelly talked that much."

Toby shrugged with a chuckle, "Well... she does most of the talking."

Pam chuckled, "Yeah... I'm sure." She finished off the reminder of her tea. "So... they're going good."

Toby looked confused, "What?"

Pam chuckled softly, "My classes." Toby playfully hit his forehead, causing Pam to giggle. "Yeah... I'm actually learning a lot. Differnet techniques. Different textures. It's really fascinating. And there's quite a few interest people there too." She chuckled, "It's nice to get to know other people outside of work."

Toby nodded, "Definitely." He watched as Pam continued to drift back outside, admiring her eyes as they scanned the passing cars, thinking that he was finally getting to know someone he did work with. "So... anybody like our coworkers?"

Pam gave Toby a thoughtful look, "Hmmm... well, there's this one guy who reminds me a lot like Oscar. He does these really pretty color schemes... I don't know..." She shrugged, "I don't think the world could handle more people like Michael or Dwight or Angela."

Toby nodded, "Good point."

Pam glanced back at their discarded cups, "So... how's Sasha?"

Toby blinked a few times to get out of his trance, "Oh... she's well. You know... not much to know about second grade."

Pam nodded, "Yeah... I remember climbing trees and trying to swing higher that Becky McNeil." She stared off dreamily, "Oh... the simple pleasures of life." They both chuckled.

Toby nodded, "Yeah, the only thing that Sasha has to worry about is if the weather's nice enough for outdoor recess."

Pam chuckled, "Yeah... I wish that was my only worry." She looked over at the clock as the large hand was coming closer to the nine. "It's getting kinda late. We'd better head back soon."

Toby checked his watch and noticed that time seemed to be slipping away from him, when he was finally enjoying a day of work. "Yeah... I guess so."

Pam shook her head, "I almost forgot..." She went digging in her purse, bringing out her wallet, "How much do I owe you?"

Toby put his hand up in protest, "No… it's on me."

Pam gave him a furrowed brow, "But..."

Toby shook his head, "I asked you out. The least I can do is buy you something." He smiled, trying to reassure her that it was okay.

Pam put her wallet back in her purse, "Well...um... thanks." She put the strap over her shoulder, "You know you don't have to do that."

Toby felt that she was feeling uneasy, "No, really. It's not a big deal. Its just tea."

Pam nodded slowly, feeling a bit awkward, "Okay. Well... thanks again." She sighed, "Sorry."

Toby chuckled, "For what?"

Pam chuckled, "I don't know. I just... I'm just going through a bit of an independent streak right now."

Toby looked confused, "What do you mean?"

Pam shrugged, "Well... I've been trying to do more things on my own. You know, like with the art classes and the new car." Toby nodded along. "I just want to be able to make my own decisions. Do what I want to do and not have to depend on someone else, you know?"

Toby nodded, "Well... next time I let you buy my drink." He smiled over at Pam until he saw her eyebrow raised.

"Next time?" She gave him a funny look, one that he couldn't decipher. He was about to take back the comment when she chuckled. She smiled, "I actually had a nice time. I don't know what I excepted but it was a nice change of pace." She smiled sincerely at Toby that gave him a breathe of ease.

"Well... I'm glad." He stood up and pushed in his chair. "Guess we'd better get going."

Pam nodded, "Guess so." As they both collected their things, Toby made a quick once-over of Pam. He knew that he only spent forty minutes with her, but he felt that he could tell her anything and know she would never judge him.

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**12:52 pm**

As they left the coffee shop, Pam saw the red Toyota Corolla again. As it passed them, Pam didn't feel the lump in her throat like she did the first time. It was an odd feeling but as she walked with Toby back to the office, she didn't feel so alone anymore.

As they approached the parking lot, the sun was slowly crawling behind the building, giving the lot a tender glow. The wind picked up a bit, sending a chill down Toby spine. As he was walking close to Pam, he noticed how the light was caught in her curls, giving them an heavenly glow. He longed to touch one curl, knowing that if he did, it would be ecstasy.

They made their way to the elevator when Pam turned toward Toby. She felt a little nervous, not knowing why before asking, "Why did you ask me out for coffee?"

Toby looked at her, feeling the familiar loss of breathe whenever he was near her. He lingered on the past hour he spent with Pam and realized that he hadn't spoken with anyone as freely as he did with her, ever. He never saw himself as a charming type of fellow. He wasn't the type of guy that ladies swooned over or talked about on the way home to their girlfriends. He wasn't the man that would fit into the status quo of 'A Knight in Shining Armor'. He was just Toby. But as he looked into those perfect green eyes, for the first time in his life, he thought he could be more. "I just wanted to spend some time with you."

They were both surprised by his revelation, Toby more than Pam. He was never open to anyone like that before, but revealing himself gave the extra push that he needed. "I like spending time with you."

Pam blinked a few times. She wasn't really sure what was going on. She thought of Toby as just someone else in the office. He was nice enough but at the end of the day, she only saw herself with one person, and that person was gone. She missed her chance with him a long time ago, before the secret kiss in the dark, before the longing plea, before she broke his heart twice. She lost him. She felt the lump come slowly up her throat, willing her for tears to fall, but she caught her breath. Toby wasn't Jim. He was never going to be Jim. Toby was Toby. And for some unexpected reason, that was alright. "I liked spending time with you today, too." She gave him a smile, one that she knew she meant.

Toby looked at her smile, and knew that it wasn't a smile that she held for her ex-fiancé, Roy. It was one that she plastered for Michael when he was acting practically annoying. It wasn't the same smile that she gave to Jim whenever he was near. It was a different smile, one that he declared as his smile. As they both left the elevator, Toby turned around, "Um... maybe we can do this again some time."

Pam nodded slowly, "Yeah... maybe." As she walked in toward the door, a small smile crawled on her face.

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**4:47 pm**

As the remaining employees left for the weekend, they said their final goodbyes to Pam, wishing her well and a nice weekend. Fatigue was starting to hit her as she was making the final faxes and finalizing spreadsheets for Monday morning. She was feeling a little under the weather and the sight of Kelly coming was only a sign for her to try to back out of the date. Kelly came practically running up to reception, "So are you excited or what? Alan is going to be so shocked when he sees you!"

Pam looked confused, "Why would he be shocked?"

Kelly shifted her eyes for a moment too long. "Um... never mind. Look, so you're still gonna wear that?"

Pam looked at herself and didn't think she looked that bad, "I look fine."

Kelly shrugged her shoulders, "Okay, whatever." As she was leaning over the counter, Pam saw Ryan trying to make a mad dash to the elevator. Kelly was starting to wane on her nerves so she saw a chance to rid of her until that night. "See ya tonight, Ryan!" She waved smiling, allowing Ryan to get a few seconds head start. Kelly ran after, "Wait, Ryan. I have to talk to you about the pattern of my shirt and if it'll clash with your necktie!" As Kelly ran after her reluctant boyfriend, Pam couldn't help but giggle. She looked to the left of the office as a reflex and waited to see a reaction from the slacker salesman, but she found a smile for the quiet-natured HR rep.

He smiled back at her, "See what I have to put up with." He chuckled as he walked up to her desk.

Pam rolled her eyes, "I'm so sorry." She chuckled as Toby drummed on her desk. She felt a pricking on the back of her neck as she looked up at Toby, feeling somewhat relieved that he was here to talk to. She spied his jacket over his arm, "Headed out?"

Toby nodded, "Yep. I'm supposed to go meet a friend."

Pam nodded and stapled a small pile of contracts, "Oh, that's nice." She felt strangely awkward and wondered where he was going when Toby seemed to read her mind.

"We're supposed to go see this exhibit at this new art gallery near Dunmore. He said that it was all avant-garde or whatnot." He shrugged, "I don't know."

Pam brighten up, "Yeah, I read about that in the paper. Some of my classmates are going tonight. They actually invited me to go."

Toby looked confused, "How come you're not going?"

Pam shrugged and sighed, "I'm supposed to go on this date with Kelly and Ryan and her neighbor Alan tonight."

Toby felt the shortness of breath again, "Oh... well, have a nice time." He started to walk to the door, when Pam called after him.

"Hey... um... Toby?" She stood up, feeling anxious and nervous, not knowing why, and feeling like she did when she asked Toby why they went out earlier that day. "Um... maybe we can talk about the exhibit on Monday... at the coffee place?"

Toby nodded slowly, taking in what he thought he heard Pam say, "Monday, as in for lunch... again?"

Pam chuckled, "Yeah, like today." She tucked a fallen curl behind her ear.

Toby nodded, "Yeah, sounds great. I'd really like that." He smiled again and turned toward the door. "See you on Monday, Pam." He gave her a final wave and walked out.

Pam chuckled, "Bye." As she watched him walk out the door, she felt a strange sensation of starting over. She liked that she was starting a friendship with Toby and she liked that she felt excited to hear about the exhibit. But what she liked the most was when she looked at his desk, a lone pile of wood that held immeasurable memories. She didn't feel the lump in her throat or did she feel like crying. She could look at it and smile. She knew that she might have ruined the best friendship she ever had, but she also knew that she had a second chance to start over.

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_More to come... I hope you guys liked this. I need reviews so I know if I should continue this story. I really want to, but I need yoru encouragement. So, if you read this, I'm sure you can see that little box in the bottom left corner. Tell me what you think. _

_Also, look out for an update on my other fics, "The Gift" and "The Trial". New chapters will be coming soon!!!_

_PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!_


	2. Good Grief

_**Disclaimer: I don't own the Office, I don't own France, but I do own my underpants.**_

_A/N: Here it is, my two wonderful readers! LOL. If you read these chapters, please write a review, you beautiful unsung heroes! Please!_

**October 12, 2006**

**10:03 am**

As Pam was trying to recover from her hug from Michael, she gave a quick sweep of the office. Everyone was talking about what Michael had just announced. Ed Truck had died. She had heard a few things about the guy, not much more than that he worked for the paper company for several years and hired Michael. She couldn't begin to see what he saw in Michael, something that she had yet discovered or wanted to. As the phone rang, recognizing Jan's number, she figured that Jan could take the reigns for a bit.

"Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam?" As Pam transferred Jan over to Michael's line, she watched Dwight enter his office and Toby come across the floor.

She smiled as she saw him pass Michael's office with impressive speed, trying to not be detected. He stopped short of her desk, "Hey."

"Hey." She minimized her game of Sudoku as Toby stepped closer to her desk, close enough for her to smell the faint of his cologne. "Did you hear?"

Toby nodded, "Yeah. Jan actually called me directly and said that I might want to look into some grief counseling tactics, mostly for Michael." He chuckled as he drummed his fingers on the desk. "Oh, did you see that special on channel 12?"

Pam nodded excitedly, "Yeah, it was so good. I really loved that part about Venice."

Toby nodded vigorously, "That was my favorite. I swear, if all I could do was read and view that beauty everyday…"

Pam chuckled, "I know. Me too." She sighed as she saw Michael leave the conference room. "You better go."

Toby frowned until he saw Michael standing behind him, "Toby…. oh God." He reluctantly beckoned Toby into his office.

Toby turned around, "See ya later." Pam waved and watched as he went in after Michael.

As she returned back to her game, she smiled as she reminisced about the past few weeks she had getting to know Toby. She couldn't figure out how in so little time, her and Toby had become such good friends. She found herself laughing about something that he said during the day or he'd call to have her watch something on television. She remembered thinking that she hadn't felt so comfortable with someone since… him. Every time she thought of her progression with Toby, her thoughts always seemed to drift to him. She felt as though she was betraying him somehow. As if being friends with someone else was disregarding what they had. As if what they had was some kind of dream as she glanced as his desk again, seeing Ryan in his place, it made it that more of a far away memory. She started to look forward to come to work again, knowing that she wouldn't feel as if a chunk of her soul was missing, aimlessly trying to find its way home. She felt like she could breathe again, if only for a few moments in the day.

Inside Michael's office, Toby sat at the chair closet to the window, trying to be as distant from Michael as humanly possible. He cleared his throat, "Michael –

Michael turned his chair from the window, "Look, it's bleak out there. People are in grieving and it's up to me to fix it."

Toby turned around to look through the window as he saw his coworkers working as usual. Phyllis was making copies, chatting with Pam, Stanley was enthralled in his crossword book, Kevin was playing with a yellow yo-yo as Angela was berating. It didn't seem any different from any other day in the office. "I really don't think things are as bad as they seem."

Michael scoffed, "What do you know? Everyday of your life is bleak." He stood up and walked in front of his desk. "Look, Flenderson. You see those people out there. They're in pain, and it's your job to make them feel better."

Toby looked confused, "But you didn't you just say -

Michael sighed exasperatedly, "Irregardless, you are Corporate and a member of our Corporate has died. You should feel bad, even though I'm pretty sure you couldn't feel worse than you already are."

Toby looked stern, "What's that supposed to mean?"

Michael waved him off, "Never mind. Just go out there and help them."

Toby began to protest, "Michael, I really don't think that anyone –

Michael burst, "Could you do one thing without screwing it up? Just one." He sighed, "God!"

Toby stood up quickly, "Fine." He spoke through clenched teeth, "I won't screw up." With that, he left Michael's office, catching a quick glance of the only shining beauty in the drab wonderland. As he walked back to the annex, he reflected on the past few weeks. He couldn't believe that he was actual 'friends' with Pam. Pam, the girl that brought happiness to everyone she met. The woman who's smile seemed to brighten any dark thought that ever crossed his mind. She filled him with hope, a hope that seemed to be unshaken. He adored the time he spent with her, eating lunch in the break room or when they had time to sneak away without being overlooked by the watchful eyes of their coworkers. Once more, he felt that he was becoming someone that he always wanted to be. He felt like he could take chances and make quick decisions. He felt that Pam gave him the courage to be the man that he wanted to be. She was the only real light in his life at work and even in the dark nights when Sasha was with her mother, he often thought of Pam, and wondered if she ever thought of him. As he approached his desk, he saw Kelly looking over the partition.

"So... are we gonna have some grief counseling session or something?" She started twisting her long hair around her finger. "'Cause if we are, I really don't won't to talk about my sister."

Toby nodded, "You don't have to. I understand that's a touchy subject for you and -

Kelly sighed, "Good, cuz I wanted to talk to you about what I saw on 'Flavor of Love'. Ohmigosh, you know I was telling you about that girl with the huge boobs... um... oh yeah, New York. Well... she is like crazy in love with Flavor Flave. She would do anything for him, and I mean anything. Even stuff I wouldn't do."

Toby stalled her, "Um... Kelly. I really have some work to do. You know, for the grief counseling session." He brought out a large binder and started flipping through it. "I have to prepare."

Kelly shrugged, "Whatever. You're missing out. And I didn't even get to tell you what Pumpkin said the other night. She is such a skank." She proceeded to answer the phone that had been ringing for a few seconds, "Customer Service, this is Kelly."

Toby breathed a sigh of relief, "Thank God. That should keep her busy for a while." As he saw several strategies and methods for this genre of counseling, Michael came from the kitchen.

"Hey... um... I need you to find some kind of fun way to do this thing." He folded his arms accordingly, looking at Toby expectantly.

Toby furrowed his brow, "Fun? But we're talking about death."

Michael sighed, "Hi. There's plenty of things that are funny and have to deal with death. #1. Casper the _Friendly_ Ghost. He's dead and he's nice. #2. Itchy and Scratchy. They kill each other all the time and it's hysterical. #3. Tom and Jerry. They're like #2, but older, but still cool. #4 -

Toby shook his head, "Those are all cartoons, and for children. They're meant to be funny." Toby continued to peruse through the binder.

Michael snatched the binder from him, "Don't you have some kind of video or DVD like with the sexual harassment video?"

Toby shook his head, "No. There's nothing like that here."

Michael flipped through the pages, "Aha! There are some games." He proceeded to read through them. "Hey, this looks good. 'Place around a ball or an object around a circle and ask members of the group to share a significant moment in their life that involved the death of a loved one.' Sounds about right. Anything else?"

Toby shook his head, "No, that's it."

Michael smacked his lips, "Are you kidding me? You have all these binders and folders back here and all you came up with was a circle game with a ball? God, these corporate wet blankets are more lame than you!" He proceeded to rip the page out with the game and threw back the binder into Toby lap haphazardly, "I'll start sending people back here for some more one on one time with you."

Toby started to protest, "I really don't think it's necessary -

Michael turned around, "Oh I'm sorry. I don't remember asking you what you thought. Huh? Kelly, do you remember me asking Toby anything about his itsy bitsy feelings?"

Kelly stood up, "Um... well, no."

Michael smiled, "Yup, that's what I thought. I'll send in Stanley the Manley first." He came closer to Toby and spoke softly, "And try hard to crack him. He's really hard to." He giggled, "And... that's what she said." He continued to giggle as he left the annex.

Kelly looked over the partition again, "Why do you let Michael talk to you like that? Are you like... higher than he is?"

Toby shrugged, "He's mostly venting because I took his corporate credit card away from him again last week. It's not big of deal."

Kelly shrugged, "You really need to strap on some balls once in a while, Toby. You're gonna regret it one day." She shook her head and tended to brushing her hair.

As he saw Stanley make his way from the kitchen to his desk, Toby thought about what Kelly had just said. Was she right? Was he letting his chance slip through this fingers because he wasn't brave? As he was pondering this, Stanley took a seat next to him in the spare chair. He looked up from his crossword puzzle book. "I'm gonna do this. I'm not gonna talk to you about the deaths of my loved ones, okay?"

Toby nodded, "Fine by me." As Stanley nodded and continued with his activity, Toby drifted back to a few days ago when he was talking with Pam during lunch.

_Toby was eating a chocolate pudding as Pam was eating some rice cakes. They were talking about a book that she had just finished reading. "I was never really into French authors in school, but I revisited one recently."_

_Toby seemed intrigued, "Which one?"_

_Pam rolled her eyes, "I know this was kind of ambitious, but I just finished reading 'Madame Bovery'." She blushed slightly as she uttered the title._

_Toby eyes widened, "Really? Huh. I didn't peg you as someone who would read that."_

_Pam nodded, "Yeah, I know. It was recommended to me by a friend back in college. I never really knew what she was trying to say with referring me to that novel, but I absolutely loved it."_

_Toby furrowed his brow, "Really? I'm actually surprised."_

_Pam looked confused, "You read the book?"_

_Toby nodded, "Yeah, back in college. One of my friends wrote her dissertation on the text. It took her two years but she did it."_

_Pam was slightly stunned, "Wow. Two years. Now that's dedication."_

_Toby nodded, "Definitely, she absolutely loved the book. She pitied Madame Bovary though."_

_Pam furrowed her brow, "Why?"_

_Toby shrugged, "Well... you know. She just slept with any man that would look her way and never found real love."_

_Pam blinked a few times, trying to form her words. "I... um... I actually thought she was really brave."_

_Toby chuckled, "Yeah... brave. Brave enough to sleep with anyone and not get a disease."_

_Pam shook her head, "Not in that way. She... she seemed so determined to do better than what she was. She wanted more out of life than the cards she was dealt. She might had slept with married men but she fought to find the true meaning in life. Sure, she failed in the end, but she had the hunger to strive for more. She wanted more and she fought to the very end. Now, if that's not brave, I don't know what is." She smiled slightly as she finished off her lunch._

_Toby looked across the table and wanted to scream that Pam was brave. She left Roy with no real place to call home and started over. She was getting to be the person that she wanted to be. She was making chances in his life and not looking back. She was striving for more than what she had in front of her. She might not have been as promiscuous as Madame Bovery, but she was just as brave. But instead of vocalizing his thoughts, he simply nodded, "Yeah, she was really brave."_

**12:33 pm**

As the time went by, Stanley left without saying much more than asking, "What's a fruit with three letters?" Toby had spoken with Meredith, who had an aunt that died when she was four, Oscar, who's grandmother died when he was sixteen and Phyllis, who's great uncle died when she was twelve. As he turned around, he saw Pam coming through the door. "Hey."

Toby smiled whole-heartily, "Hey. I thought Kevin was next."

Pam shrugged, "He had to go to the bathroom, which means he'll be gone for at least a half an hour, so Michael told me to go next. So... um... what did you want to talk about?"

Toby knew that Kelly was at the copier in the front of the office and probably talking to Ryan so he knew she wouldn't be back for a while. "We don't have to talk about death if you don't want to."

Pam shrugged, "Well... I did have a second cousin who died about ten years ago. I really didn't know her well. She was from my father's side of the family, who live in Michigan and we don't get to see that often so... yeah."

Toby nodded, "Did you feel sad?"

Pam shrugged, "I remember that I wanted to be sad. She was pretty young when she died. Thirty-four. She had breast cancer." She sighed slightly, "I remember going to the funeral and wanting to cry for her, you know? I remember wondering, 'Why can't I cry? She was my cousin.' But I barely knew her. I think I might have met her like twice ever. I just remember feeling bad but not being able to express it. It was like hearing about someone murdered on the news, you feel bad but no actual emotions."

Toby nodded, "Yeah, exactly. I felt that way too when my grandfather died. I was only seven."

Pam furrowed her brow, "Seven? That's a long time."

Toby shrugged, "I never got to know him either. He lived in Canada and he rarely visited the States. My father and him fell out years ago and rarely spoke so... I never got to know him."

Pam nodded, "That sucks." She smiled apprehensively, not wanting to insult him.

Toby chuckled along with her, "Yeah... it does suck." They both chuckled when they both saw Michael approach them from the kitchen.

Michael scoffed, "C'mon, Pam. You don't want Toby tainting your memories of your loved ones." He beckoned for her to follow him. "And by the way, I haven't heard any crying or saw red faces out there. Where's the pain and suffering, Toby? Where is it?"

Pam piped up, "I thought you wanted to _prevent_ that from happening." Toby nodded in agreement.

Michael sighed, "Whatever. You suck at grief counseling, Toby, so... I'm taking the reins for the rest of the day. Conference room, five minutes."

As Michael left the annex, Pam sighed, "Don't mind him."

Toby shook his head, "Oh, I never do. Usually when Michael talks, I imagine the ocean is hitting rocks and tune him out."

Pam chuckled, "Me too. Except, I usually think about water hitting the side of a boat."

Toby nodded, "Nice one."

Pam looked through the window of the kitchen that showed the office, "I have an idea."

Toby looked curious, "What?"

Pam shook her head, "You'll see, just... promise not to laugh during the session."

Toby looked confused, "Huh?"

Pam turned around, showing a twinkle in her eye, "Just promise."

Toby nodded, "Promise."

Pam smiled, "Good. Let's go share our feelings with our coworkers." She giggled as she walked back to the office, heading toward the conference room.

Toby followed a little behind, trying to savor the look in Pam's eyes when she smiled.

**4:45 pm**

As the day came to a close and the employees slowly started to pour out of the office, one by one, Pam looked at Toby from across the room. She was wondering what he was thinking about. They hadn't said much to each other since earlier that afternoon. During the grief counseling session, it was interrupted by Roy, who thought she needed to escape from the meeting. She liked to get away, but leaving with him wasn't what she wanted. She was upset that they had waited for her but she was she still happy that she got to play her trick after all, and seeing the smile on Toby's face sealed the deal. She really enjoyed it when other members of the circle started to make up their own stories from movies, and how Michael seemed so enthralled by each one.

She couldn't wait to hear about what Toby thought of the prank but she got distracted when she started making the caskit for the dead bird. She knew it was morbid but decorating the coffin for the bird was sorta fun. She was able to be creative without being condemned by her coworkers or have to be sneaky about it. It was nice to create something that had some sort of meaning to someone, even if it was Michael. She finished it and showed it to him, with some actual pride. She wanted to show it to Toby, but before she knew, everyone was heading toward the parking lot.

After the ceremony and after Dwight completely destroyed any remnants of the box, Pam become more distracted by the forty-three messages that were waiting for her. As the time went by, she noticed that she hadn't seen Toby for a while. She wanted to talk to him about her day and how crazy things had gotten since that morning. Like she said to the camera, she never knew what the day might turn into, especially working here.

She was finishing off the last few messages when she noticed that Toby was walking toward her. She smiled, "Hey. Haven't seen you in a while."

Toby smiled, "I know." He chuckled, "Crazy day, huh?"

Pam nodded, "Oh yeah. A former regional manager was decapitated on the highway, we had a grief counseling session that consisted of Academy Awards winning films, with the exception of _Weekend at Bernie's_, and you killed a bird."

Toby looked mock shocked, "I did not kill that bird."

Pam shrugged, "I call it like I see it and Michael said that you did."

Toby sighed, "He also says I'm the anti-Christ. Do you think that's true?"

Pam shrugged with a smirk on her face, "I don't know, but that would explain a lot, though." They both giggled as they thought about the day that they had.

Toby watched as her shoulders shook from the laughter and how her curls seemed to bounce with every chuckle. He longed to know what lazy afternoons would entail with her being with him, laughing at something on television, eating Rice-o-Roni on the couch and being able to hear her laughter touch every wall in his home. He wanted to know what her hair looked like without the barrette and how each curl formed the beautiful waterfall off her shoulders. He wanted to know everything and anything that would bring him closer to his inner desires, but if he was doomed to an eternity of tiny glances of the curve of her smile, the sound of her laughter and the bounce of a single curl in their flourscent-lighted chamber, he would take it in a heart beat.

As the clock stroke five and Michael said his goodbyes to Pam and only growling at Toby, they were left alone in the office. Pam finished her final message and started shutting down her workspace, glancing at Toby who went back to finish up his work in the annex. As she turned of her desk lamp and grabbed her coat, she heard the door of the kitchen swing open, revealing Toby with his trench coat on, "Heading out?"

Pam nodded, "Yeah, you too?"

Toby nodded, "Yup. Long day."

Pam chuckled, "Very long day. I thought it'd never end." She was putting on her coat when Toby grabbed a sleeve and helped her put it on. She blushed slightly, "Thanks." As she adjusted it, she felt Toby linger a bit. She turned around and noticed that Toby was looking at her hair. "What? What's wrong?"

Toby looked at the tiny piece of pink string that was tangled in her hair. He swallowed his breath, "Um... you got something in your hair."

Pam rolled her eyes, "Great. Could you get it?"

Toby felt that familiar loss of breath again, something he hadn't felt in a few weeks. He slowly brought his hand and touched the piece of string delicately, pulling it out of her hair. Ever so gently, he felt a single tendril that fallen between his fingers and felt his heart rate speed to the point where he feared that Pam might see it pretrude through his clothes. As the faithful moment passed, he held up the tiny blessing from God and showed it to her, "Here it is."

Pam shook her head, "I swear, I get crap in my hair all the time. Sometimes, I wish I'd just shave it off."

"NO!" That was all that was heard. Toby didn't mean to scream it, but the thought of never being able to lose his fingers in her ocean of beauty was to depressing to spare.

Pam recoiled a bit, "I was just kidding." She chuckled awkwardly, "Geez, Flenderson. Ease up a bit." She chuckled as she walked towards the door. When she realized he wasn't beside her, she turned around, "Aren't you coming?"

Toby looked up from his shoes and nodded, "Yeah, sorry."

As they walked to the elevator and rode it down to the parking lot, there was silence between them. Pam was starting to feel awkward again, having not feeling like that in a while. She was being so comfortable with Toby and now all of a sudden, it was as if they had re-tracked a few steps. She felt almost as awkward as she did on their first outing for coffee. Now, it was a regular thing between them. She didn't like that she felt awkward, and she knew that she would be the one to voice it. As they were approaching her car, she was just about to say something when Toby spoke first, "Could I ask you something?"

Pam was taken aback, "Um... yeah. Sure."

Toby stopped in his tracks and looked at Pam. Pam was walking still when she noticed he stopped. She turned around, "What's wrong?"

Toby knew this was the moment that he was building up to. He had been thinking about this since their lunch a week before. This was his chance at being brave. When he finally strapped some balls on and be a man. He took a deep breath and shook his head, "Nothing, it's just...um... there's this lecture at Penn State next week. It's a literary scholar whose written some amazing literary criticism books in the last five years and his latest book is all about _Madame Bovery_. I was wondering if you wanted to come with me. Maybe... I don't know... we can have dinner afterwards." He proceeded to put his hands in his pocket, trying to warm his trembling hands.

Pam was dumbfounded. Toby asked her out for dinner... and a lecture at the college... he asked her out on a date. She couldn't believe it. It wasn't as if she never thought about him asking her, but having it actually happen was something completely different. She was extremely flattered but also nervous, but what plagued her the most was why she was wondering what skirt she should wear. She chuckled a little without thinking, and saw the look on Toby's face. "No... Toby. I'm sorry."

Toby nodded, "It's okay. I'm sorry." He shook his head, cursing himself for thinking that she would ever want to spend time with him outside of coffee and conference room meetings.

Pam shook her head vigorously, "No. _I'm_ sorry. That's not what I meant at all, I swear. The truth is... I... um... I'd really like to come with you. To dinner and the lecture. It sounds great."

Toby thought he was have another aneurysm, but he had to make sure, "Really?"

Pam chuckled, "Yeah, really." She wrapped her coat closer to her body, "So, when is this thing?"

Toby nodded, "Next Wednesday."

Pam nodded, "Okay. We'll we have the weekend to set things up, right?" She chuckled, smiling a bit too much for her liking, but knowing that it couldn't be helped.

Toby chuckled, "Yeah, I guess so." He smiled a little more than needed but Pam's smile was infectious. "So, I'll leave you to it." He started to walk away from her car, jumping up and down inside like a kid in the world's largest candystore.

Pam waved after him, "Bye. See you on Monday." She quickly got in her car, watching Toby do the same. As she pulled out the driveway, she started to giggle like a schoolgirl. "I'm going on a date. Whoo Hoo!!" She giggled at herself and knew as soon as she got home she needed to sketch.

As Toby drove down the quiet streets of Scranton, he recollected what had just happened and shook with glee, giving a wink at himself in the rear view mirror, "Toby is back."

_More to come. In the next chapter, flashbacks of the date and a phone call from Connecticut. Hope you enjoyed this chapter. I wanted to bring some humor to this story. I hate stories that have nothing but drama. I like people to laugh as well. That's how life is, anyway!_

_Review and I'll make your dreams come true! (Wishes cannot be redeemed between the hours of 12 noon to 12 noon, in all time zones) _


	3. First Date, First Call

_**Disclaimer: I don't own the Office. Any further questions should be discussed with my lawyers. **_

_A/N: I have to admit, I was very surprised by the number of reviews I received for this story. I got some! Period. I figured that I was entering a place that was too absurd for readers to encounter. Well... I'm glad my readers are an open-minded bunch! YAY!! Without further adieu, the story continues..._

**October 19, 2006**

**9:32 am**

Pam was in the kitchen making a fresh pot of coffee when she saw Toby coming from the break room. She stiffened up slightly, feeling tiny flips in the pit of her stomach, but smiling as her cheeks blushed. She hadn't had any time to talk to Toby over the last couple of days. The day before, she was forced to listen to Michael's improv sketch that he had prepared for the following evening, which consisted of references from King of the Hill and a plot she distinctly remembered from an old Seinfeld episode. As she shook her head, she headed back into the office, knowing that she and he would have time to talk during their lunch break.

As she made her way back to her desk, she noticed that Jan had come earlier than usual, heading right into Michael's office. She chuckled to herself, only imagining what their conversations entitled, than again shuttering at the fact that she was probably right about what they were like. She made her usual scan of the office as she saw Ryan getting reading for his first sales call. It was all Dwight had been talking about all morning and how he was going to make an example out of him. She was too far removed to even speculate what that entitled. She made another glance at the kitchen and noticed that Toby was there, making himself a cup of coffee. She smiled, looking at certain things that she noticed about Toby, little mannerisms and maneuvers that he did, making her laugh and reminisce of their date that past Wednesday night.

_She was able to leave work a little early since Michael and Dwight went to the local costume shop for his upcoming performance. She knew that no one would say anything, so she left at three minutes to four. She held a smile on her face as the late afternoon sunshine hit the back panels of the cars in the full parking lot. As she drove down the streets of Scranton, she continued to smile, wondering what a date with Toby would be like. She had to admit, six months ago, she would never fathom the thought that she would be single again, her best friend in the world would be in a whole different world and the most unlikely person would be her only confidant. The thing that she couldn't shake was the fact that she was excited about the events that were occurring. Change was supposed to be a good thing. Change was supposed to make your life better or at least... different. And as she pulled into her small parking lot to her tiny apartment, she knew that change was coming just around the bend. _

_They had already discussed that they would meet up at a local coffee house that was a few blocks away from the lecture hall on campus. She knew that Toby was an alumnus of Penn State, so having him bring her back to his alma mater was going to be interesting. She was having some trouble with trying to find something that was appropriate for the lecture as well as alluring enough for a date. She couldn't believe that she wanted to be 'alluring' for Toby, but she always seemed to notice how he would smile in her presence and how it transcended any other awkwardness. She finally settled on a simple black skirt that she bought when Kelly suggested that she shop online. She found a black blazer that she bought but never found a place to wear it and a moss green blouse. She had always loved the shade, which reminded her of her eyes and she wanted to look decent so... win-win. _

_As she drove up the street where the coffee place was supposed to be, she saw several groups of students, wearing classics tees and baseball caps, an assortment of school labels, sorority or fraternity colors or the casual backpack. She smiled as she reminisced the days when she walked the campus of her junior college, taking classes and late-night study sessions and how she was taking her art classes now, realizing that she still felt that slight excitement and fright about being on a school campus. She wondered what life would have been if she too walked these paths, if she didn't leave school, if she wasn't with Roy, if she were more brave. As she pulled into the parking lot and saw Toby's car already there, a smile was brought to her face, knowing that she was going to try anyway._

**10:12 am**

Toby watched from the kitchen as Jan was talking to Pam about something she wanted her to do. He smiled as he looked at her expressions, loving how she summed up so much about how she was feeling or what she was thinking with a simple stare. He was fascinated by how she could be so present and be so aware and yet be so removed from anything that contaminated the walls of this wasteland. As he headed back into the annex, noticing that Kelly was gone for a pretzel, he had some time alone with his thoughts.

_He noticed that Pam had left early that day, which was a disappointment because he couldn't talk to her until that evening. He was relieved that seeing Pam again would be sooner than tomorrow morning, but having to wait to see her until tonight was going to be unbearable. As he made a quick scan of the office, he ventured over to Ryan's desk._

_Toby waved over at Ryan, "Hey, what's up?"_

_Ryan looked up and smiled, "Hey. I'm alright. You?"_

_Toby nodded, "Doing well. So... you give any more thought about shadowing Dwight or anything?"_

_Ryan sighed into his hands, "Toby..."_

_Toby shrugged, "I know, but Dwight's the top salesman of the company. I'm not asking you to join a cult -_

_Ryan scoffed, "Oh, I'm sure there's gonna be something like that."_

_Toby chuckled, "Relax, okay? I have to admit, when it comes to sales, Dwight is all business. You could be surprised."_

_Ryan nodded, "I guess you're right." He smiled slightly, "Yeah, well... at least I'll get the experience, right?"_

_Toby smiled, "That's the spirit." He clapped Ryan on the back._

_Ryan chuckled, "Shut up." They both chuckled as Toby headed back to the annex. Toby settled at his desk and looked at the clock, figuring it was as good as time as any at 4:37 to go home._

_He made a mad dash to his car and put the pedal to the medal toward Lincoln Drive. He quickly took a shower and looked through his closet, trying to find something to wear, but only finding a pink tutu and purple barrettes on the floor. He chuckled as he considered this option when he saw a grey sweater that he always liked. He bought it shortly after his divorce, a move his friend from school said was a sure fire way to move on, "Get some new duds, and get hot babes ". He chuckled at the thought that he in fact had a 'babe' that he was meeting tonight, but to call Pam that seemed wrong somehow. She wasn't just a 'babe', she was much more. _

_As he drove down the familiar road to the campus, images flashed through his mind of a trunk filled of comics and special edition action figures, his favorite pair of jeans and an old pair of sneakers that was falling apart at the seams. His worries didn't consist of aggravating managers and lovelorn heartaches. Only worry he had was if he would pass the economics exam. Driving down the quiet street, seeing places where his life was changed for the better, he knew that tonight would mark another. _

**10:53 am**

As Pam watched Michael leave for the lobby to wait in line for a pretzel, which she still couldn't see what all the fuss was about anyway, it was just a pretzel, she looked over the list that Jan wanted her to fill out throughout the day. She couldn't believe that Jan was treating Michael so childishly, well... more childishly than usual. She knew that she already had a long day ahead of her, and it was barely ten-thirty. She looked at the list and chuckled at the actions, Cosby Impression, Standing in Pretzel Line. It seemed like the agenda for a five year old. She chuckled as she thought who would think that this would be hilarious. She stopped breathing for a short moment, realizing that she hadn't thought about him in a while. She was so preoccupied about her and Toby that she hadn't thought of Jim in days.

Lately, she tried not to think about him. She would think about him when she was getting dressed in the morning, wondering what he'd look like lost in her sheets, teasing her to come back to bed. She wondered if they would have morning routine, consisting of hidden kisses and muffled laughter in the pillows. She imagined what would it be like if he had only stayed a few more weeks and let her end things will Roy properly, would they be together? She knew that deep down, they would have been. But knowing that she lost her chance, she tried her best to move on. She noticed Toby walking in the back near Phyllis, knowing that moving on wasn't the worst thing in the world.

_Pam entered the café, feeling her forearm tremble a bit as she skimmed the tables, looking for the gentle redhead. She knew he was somewhere, having seen his car outside, but she couldn't help but feel anxious. As she made another scan of the shop, she spotted him, feeling at ease._

_She walked over to his table, hoping she still looked as nice before she left her car. She couldn't believe how many times she checked herself in the mirror, making sure that she looked nice for the lecture, but knowing that she wanted to see the sparkle in his eyes as she walked towards him. She wasn't disappointed. His smile seemed to light the better half of the small shop who's clientele consisted of students and offbeat poets who were preparing for a performance later on in the evening. _

_She was startled when he stood up and gave her quick hug, but pleased when she looked at his ensemble, realizing she wasn't overdressed. As she sat down, she noticed another cup aside his._

_Toby shrugged, "I knew it was your favorite. I got a few minutes before you got here."_

_She blushed as she took a sip, "Thanks." She smiled, "It's still hot. Nice."_

_Toby chuckled, "You look great." He smiled gently, sending goose bumps up her arms. _

_She chuckled; trying to relieve the uneasy tension that she felt between them, mostly coming from the way his sweater hugged his shoulders, from what she assumed was a decent form. She never saw Toby in this light before, only ever seeing him in his suits, but watching him drink his coffee, she could see how he attracted women, including her._

_Toby checked his watch, "We'd better get going. The lecture starts in about a half an hour, and seats are probably getting sparse." He stood up and looked over at Pam, giving her a warm smile that made her weak in the knees. _

_Pam smiled, "Okay, sounds like plan." She opened up her tote bag and pulled out her book. "I know I'm a dork, but I brought my copy with me." She showed it to Toby, showing the torn corners and marking in the margins. _

_Toby chuckled, "Guess I'm one too." He pulled his copy from his back pocket. "You know Mark Twain used to write in the margins."_

_Pam nodded, "Yeah, I know. Me and Samuel Clemmons go way back." _

_Toby laughed, "Samuel? First and real name basis. Must be serious."_

_Pam nodded, "Oh yeah. You know it." They both chuckled, walking out the coffee shop in close proximity. _

_As they walked past the campus, Toby was telling her how he had started to at the main campus in University Park and had to transfer because his mother got sick in his sophomore year. He thought that he wouldn't like this campus, but he enjoyed the intimate feel of the smaller campus and liked to be close to family. He showed her some of his favorite spots on campus, including the place where he first met his best friend underneath the large tree near the lecture hall._

_Toby chuckled, "I haven't been n this campus in years. It's nice coming back, you know?_

_Pam nodded, "Yeah. It's a beautiful campus." As the wind picked up, she started to tremble._

_Toby noticed, "You cold?" He started to take off his jacket._

_Pam protested, "No, I fine." She smiled, "Besides, this is the lecture hall, right?" They both approached the building, noticing that it was in fact crowded with students, professors and other locals in the area. _

**11:07 am**

Toby noticed Pam looking across the office at him, feeling his neck get warmer with every breath he took. He liked knowing that Pam was actually looking at him, and not looking at space, that she noticed him the crowded office, like he always noticed her. As he saw her go back to her work, he decided to do the same, knowing as he made his walk back to his desk, he wouldn't be able to think about anything else but her.

_He was relieved that Pam hadn't arrived yet. His mother had always taught him to never keep a lady waiting. She said that if a lady has to wait to eat, she will keep you waiting as well. He was never really sure why his mother said that to him, if she was promoting out-of-wedlock sexual relations or just keeping him aware, he took the advice to heart. _

_As he took in the surroundings of the coffee shop, he was brought back to memories of late-night study sessions with Rick and the guys, poetry readings by some of the most talented kids he knew, seeing his lit professor pouring bourbon in his coffee. Oh, how those memories came flooding back. _

_He looked at his watch and figured Pam would be showing up any minute, so he got a few drinks and sat at his favorite table in the back. As he was sipping his coffee, he looked out the window, looking as the cars passed by and thought of his first coffee run with Pam. It seemed like it was only yesterday that he was sitting across from her and felt butterflies in the pit of his stomach just breathing near her. But as he saw her walk through the door, the familiar feeling made a return. _

_As she approached the table after finding him in the crowd, he was completely awestruck. He couldn't imagine how beautiful one person could be. He thought she was a sight for sore eyes in the office, but looking at her as she was getting glances by other patrons as she passed them to come to him, was more surreal than piece of artwork he every beheld. He was in the presence of greatness, and she didn't even know it._

_As she was talking about the nice gesture of the tea, he couldn't help but wonder how he was here, with Pam. She really did say yes to the proposal. She really agreed to come with him that evening. She was going to eat dinner with him that night and be with him after work hours. He couldn't believe his luck. He was officially having his best night in a long time, and it only just started._

_As they walked around the campus, he tried to be more open with her, telling her about his mother and his time on this campus. She laughed at all the appropriate places, asking questions and being genuinely interested in his experience there. At one point, her fingers slightly skimmed his, pricking every nerve on his right side. He was sure she didn't notice, but seeing her smile when she saw the building was a moment he knew would keep him at peace._

**11:47 am**

Pam looked at the clock, knowing that Michael needed to do something that day other than scare off clients with his bad impressions and waiting in lines for bended bread wasn't the proper behavior for a manager. As she left the office, she noticed her copy of _Madame Bovary_, lying next to her monitor. She smiled, being brought back to the lecture and her excitement of being a part of some with substance, something that she knew she would recount over and over again.

_As they entered the lecture hall, Pam was consumed with an exhilarating rush. She knew that it was silly to feel so excited to be in an audience to an author, but living a life where only basketball and hockey were topics of choice and having to express her talent on paper napkins in local restaurants, a life with some culture would be nice to adjust to. _

_Toby pointed to a pair of seats in the third row, "Hey, that's a nice spot." He started walking to it when Pam pulled him by the hand and raced down to the seat, in fear they'd be found. When she realized that she was holding his hand, she quickly let go, tucking her hair behind her ear to play off her moment of randomness._

_Toby simply smiled, "Excited, huh?" He chuckled, "I'm pretty excited too. I saw him a few years ago. He's really candid about the books he writes."As they sat down, Pam was smiling for ear to ear. _

_Pam shook with glee, "Awesome." She continued to smile, when she turned looking worried, "That didn't sound stupid, right?" She bit her lip, shaking her head. "Sorry, I just wanna sound dumb."_

_Toby shook his head, "You don't sound dumb." He smiled and took a look around the room, seeing more people file in before they closed the doors._

_As everyone in the hall took his or her seats, a member of the administrative staff came up to the podium that was off to the side of the stage. The hall became quiet as the two hundred members of the audience listened as the guest of honor was introduced._

_During the forum, Harold Bloom spoke about how the environment of the protagonist dictated behavior. Several of the audience had different opinions of this suggestion, including Pam. She didn't know what came over her when her hand shot up into the air. Toby looked just as surprised, giving her a nod of encouragement._

_Pam stammered, "Um… how can you say that environment dictates behavior?"_

_Mr. Bloom looked surprised by her outburst, "Well… Emily Bovary lived in the rural area of France in the 19__th__ Century. She was starving for a taste of the urban lifestyle and out of her provincial lifestyle. Her environment caused her to want refuge in that world, by any means necessary." He was greeted by applause by the audience._

_Pam cleared her throat, "Well… not saying that you don't give a good argument but I too interact in an environment that I don't particularly enjoy… um… but I wouldn't take refuge in a different environment. I think it's up to the person to decide how to determine her experiences. Leaving it to her surroundings leaves the person not at fault. I thought she made the decision herself, not her surroundings or external sources. I feel that if a person truly wants change, they must look within themselves, not change because of something outside of themselves." Pam blinked a few times, realizing that the hall was complete silent, including her date. She chuckled, "Well… that's what I thought anyway."_

_Mr. Bloom nodded, "I have to say Miss -_

_Pam stammered out, "Um… Beesly."_

"_Beesly. You did however give a very good argument." He smiled at her, "At least someone had the balls to say something. Good for you." He chuckled, along with the rest of the audience. Suddenly, several other members raised their hands, causing Mr. Bloom to shout, "Oh, put your hands down and stop trying to steal the poor girl's thunder!"_

_Pam chuckled and looked around the audience, seeing that everyone else was looking at her back. She blushed and raised her hand to wave. She smiled as she felt warm breath on her neck whispering, "That was amazing." She knew that no matter what happened the rest of the evening, what had just happened what be hard to beat._

**11:57 am**

Toby looked over his reports and came out to see if he could get a quick word with Pam, but saw that she had left her desk. He shrugged, walking over to Kevin to finalize some expanse reports that he sent over earlier. As he past Pam's desk, he noticed her book, bringing back the memory of the quiet receptionist moment in the limelight.

_As they relaxed and listened to the rest of the forum, hearing other audience members asking questions or referring to different texts in Harold Bloom's book, Toby looked at Pam. He saw the glow that surrounded her, giving off this internal radiance that was nearly blinding. She was completely engrossed with the whole spectacle, laughing and nodding along with some of the things that were said and shaking her head and writing notes about different ideas. He watched as she absorbed the world around her and was fascinated by her reckless abandonment of shame. She didn't show how afraid she was, even though he felt her trembling next to her. He was so proud of how she captured everyone's attention, and demanded the respect of Mr. Bloom. _

_When the forum came to a close and several of the audience members came to the center of the stage to greet Mr. Bloom, Pam tugged at Toby's sleeve, "Hey, could I -_

_Toby felt the tingle from Pam's touch, nodding, "Sure. Go ahead."_

_Pam smiled as she made her way toward Mr. Bloom. When she was close enough, Mr. Bloom noticed her and made his way to her to shake her hand. She nodded as they were chuckling about something. Toby wondered what they could be talking about, but as soon as the thought came to his mind, Pam came walking back. "He was so nice about my outburst." She giggled, "He said I was the first person in a long time who actually challenged him. Pretty cool, huh?"_

_Toby smiled, "Yeah, definitely." He put his coat and budded his head toward the door, "Wanna get going?"_

_Pam nodded, "Yeah. I'm starving." She smiled and tried to put her coat on. Toby grabbed hold of one of her sleeves and helped her with it. As she turned around, she smiled, "Thanks for taking me to this. It was a lot of fun."_

_Toby looked at Pam's genuinely happy smile, admiring her twinkle that rested in the corner of the green iris, filling Toby with a hope that he forgot existed. "Sure. I'm glad you enjoyed it."_

_As they made their way back outside, Toby turned to Pam, "We can take my car to the restaurant if you don't feel like walking."_

_She nodded, "How far it is?"_

_Toby shrugged, "Not far. Maybe a half a mile." He started to turn toward the café when he felt Pam take hold of his hand._

_She smirked, "I feel like walking. You?" _

_Toby looked down at their hands and laced his fingers between hers, "Yeah. A walk sounds great."_

**12:07 pm**

Pam made her way back up the stairs, shaking her head at the marvel that was Michael Scott. She knew she could live a hundred lives and never fully understand that man, and a part of her never truly wanted to. She looked at the clock and realized it was lunch time, seeing that several of her co-workers were leaving for the hour of freedom. Pam went to the kitchen to grab her lunch when she saw Angela run out of the break room muttering, "How dare she call him a freak?" She noticed Pam and made a stiff nod, "Pam."

Pam nodded curtly, "Angela." She shook her head as she saw Kelly leaving the break room with a worried expression. She headed toward her desk muttering, "I hope Ryan isn't dead."

Pam thought about where Ryan was, and thought that maybe Kelly had a right to be scared. When she walked into the break room, a smile found its way on her lips, finding the person she'd been thinking about all day long.

_As Toby and Pam left the restaurant, laughing about the gay waiter, who flattered with Toby and the other male patrons and continued to bring them the wrong order, realizing it was his first day, Toby found her hand in the darkness of the night. Pam blushed as she walked closer to Toby, "Even though I barely ate tonight, that was fun."_

_Toby nodded, "Yeah. I'm sorry you didn't get to the food here. It was my favorite hangout after the late-night study sessions or the cramming until two in the morning. They became 24 hours during midterms and finals since they got their best business in the wee hours of the night." _

_They both chuckled as they approached Pam's car. She was shaking slightly, knowing that the night had been leading up to this since the beginning of the date, the 'Goodnight'. She turned around and stood close to Toby as she leaned on her car door. "Tonight has been… amazing."_

_Toby blushed, "Well… what can I say? When you go on a Flenderson date, you are in for a real treat."_

_Pam chuckled, "Oh really?"_

_Toby nodded, "Oh yeah. My brother had a legacy back in high school. I had to chase that same feeling." He chuckled as the wind picked up a bit._

_Pam wanted to get closer to him, but she didn't want to be too forward. She knew Toby was shy, but whenever they were around each other, that shy Toby she knew at the office slowly started to disappear and the more outgoing version seemed to peek through every once and again. She liked seeing this Toby and hoped that she would see more of him. _

_As the wind picked up, a chilly breeze came past the car, causing them both to move involuntarily closer to one another. They blushed, chuckling at their movement. Toby back away slightly, smiling, "I had a really great time tonight, too. I hadn't had this much fun in a while."_

_Pam chuckled, "Me neither." She smiled, than closing her mouth from the cold. She saw Toby looking at her smile, making her feel warm inside. She couldn't believe that Toby was causing all of this, including the urge to kiss him. She was going to do just that until she felt Toby lean in first. She closed her eyes and felt a gentle kiss against her cheek._

_Toby smiled, "Goodnight." He stepped back a bit, still holding her hand. _

_Pam smiled as well, "Goodnight." She chuckled, "See you tomorrow." She let Toby's hand go, still feeling the buzz from his touch and watched him walk back to his car. As she got back into her car and drove off, she noticed Toby watching her go. She laughed to herself, thinking that change was coming sooner than she thought. _

**12:10 pm**

Toby saw her walking from the kitchen, lighting the room far brighter than the cheap fixtures that occupied the room. He gave her a comforting smile, only able to utter a singular, "Hey."

Pam smiled back, "Hey."

Even though he knew that they only had a few minutes to themselves before someone else would intrude into the break room, having her across from him and replaying their quiet moment in a lone parking lot was enough to get him through.

_They were hand in hand. They had a horrible dinner with a waiter who kept making goo-goo eyes at him through the entire meal. The food was all wrong, but as her looked upon her in the light of a small chandelier that hung over the pair of them, nothing else in the world could counter that euphoria. _

_As they walked back to their cars, his mind was on one thing only; being able to look into her eyes and show her how much he cared for her. For weeks, he'd been leading up to this moment when he'd be able to express how much she means to him. For days, he was being eaten up alive by the anxiety of seeing her, being with her like this, holding her hand. The smallest of gestures grew tenfold with every step they took down the quiet road. _

_When they finally reached the cars, it took everything in him to not whisper what he longed to tell her for months. She was amazing the entire night. She not only charmed him, but Mr. Bloom and the entire audience. It was impossible to think that she couldn't do anything. She was capable of everything she ever wanted, and he only hoped to be there along for the ride. As she leaned against her car door, he felt her eyes looking at him expectantly, longing for him to do what he had wanted from the beginning. He knew this was it, he had to kiss her. There was no walking around it, it was time. _

_As the wind took a toll on them both, practically begging them to go for it, Toby chickened out. A part of him knew that if he took that chance now and kissed her as passionately as he had in his dreams, the innocence of their relationship would change, and that was something he wasn't willing to lose at that time. So, he took a deep breath and kissed her on the cheek, feeling it warm beneath his lips. When he pulled away and saw the look of disappointment mixed with pleasure on her face, he knew that deep down, he made the right decision. There would always be time for secret kisses and longing pleasures. Right now, gentle lone kisses would have to do. _

_Watching her get into her car and drive away, he knew that he would see her tomorrow, and hopefully never be without her again._

**5:04 pm**

Pam looked at the clock, which read 5:04. Michael was stirring in his office as everyone was packing their belongings to leave for the night. As Michael walked out, asking her if it was PM or AM, she saw Toby leave, giving her a small wave and a mouthed, "See you tomorrow." She smiled and waved goodbye to him and everyone else that was passing her by. When Michael left, she was about to grab her purse and leave when the phone rang. She inwardly cursed it and picked up the phone, wondering who could be calling after hours. "Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam."

A quiet, "Hey.", came on the other side of the line. It rang home to her on first listen. She nearly dropped the phone hearing his voice on the other line, knowing that deep down, she'd been hearing it all along.

"Oh my God." Was all she could manage.

_More to come. In the next chapter, the aftermath of Jim's call and an announcement from Corporate. I hope you guys enjoyed their date and felt that it seemed in character. I really wanted them to seem in character, with an abundance of awkwardness. LOL. Let me know what you guys think, it's really important so I can continue!_

_PLEASE REVIEW AND MAKE ME HAPPY!! (Isn't that what everybody wants?) _


	4. One Branch Closes, Another One Opens

_**Disclaimer: I do not own the Office... as far as I know. **_

_A/N: Hello, folks. Thanks for the reviews so far! You guys seriously are blowing my mind grapes. I had no idea that so many people would actually read this story and for the simple fact that I have underestimated my readers, I apologize. Furthermore, to make up my misjudgment, here's a spankin' new chapter. Enjoy!_

**November 9, 2006**

**9:15 am**

Pam was looking over the final quarter's expense reports, making sure that everything was labeled for Michael to sign. She had to do extensive labeling, considering that the past few years, either she had to do the signing herself or Michael would somehow sign the wrong line or over a serial number or find something to do wrong. The task alone would take her most of the morning, which was relief because she needed all the distractions she could find to avoid Michael showing her the slides he collected of him and Carol at the Poconos, or her other rather large problem: Toby.

She saw him in the corner of her eye, discussing a complaint with Stanley. She shook her head at the behavior she had displayed the past week and a half. She would try to avoid eye contact with him during lunch breaks and make up excuses to do her artwork instead of a coffee run with him during the last few nice days of autumn. She avoided him when Kelly had invited them both to her Diwali celebration. She knew the behavior would be frowned upon by her twelve-year-old self, but her motives were honorable at best. She still was head over hills in love with Jim.

She knew that it was wrong to lead Toby on, but she thought that indirect confrontations would give him the idea. She didn't want to have to tell him that she was still in love with a guy that lived hundreds of miles away and would probably never come back to Scranton. She was ashamed that she still thought about Jim's arms around her in her damp bedroom in the cold nights of loneliness. She couldn't face the fact that Jim would never return, but deep down, she knew that she couldn't lose faith in the possibility of his return. It was the only thing that kept her going. Toby was a kind man, but at the end of the day, the only man she imagined being beside her was a man she no longer saw at all. The truth of the matter was: Pam was confused.

As she saw Toby walk back to his desk, the phone rang, "Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam." She looked down at the caller ID and recognized the number. "Oh hey, Jan."

Jan spoke over the other end, "Could you patch me over to Toby? Thanks, Pam."

Pam nodded, "Yeah, sure." As she transferred her over, she saw the red light blink to a rhythm that no one else noticed but her. As she watched on in a trance, she realized that's how Toby had been to her these past few weeks. He seemed to notice her no matter how she was feeling. He always seemed to radiate in her presence and she had to admit that whenever she saw him smile at her, a part of her heart melted. She smiled, knowing that she did care for Toby, but the possibility of Jim being in her life again was an opportunity she couldn't afford to lose. As she looked at the stack of papers and then the clock, which read 9:19, she knew she had a long day ahead of her.

XXXXXXXXX

Toby watched as she seemed oblivious to his wandering near the kitchen entrance. He watched on as she diligently did her paperwork, avoiding him as she did the past week or so. He wasn't sure what happened between them. One day, it was as if all of his dreams were coming true. He was getting to know the woman that bewitched him from the moment she said "Hello." He was able to hold her hand out in public and show the world that she chose him. She wanted to spend quality time with him, get to know him, be with him. And now all of that was gone.

She stopped coming to the annex to chat with him. She avoided lunches or coffee runs with him. She barely made eye contact with him unless she was trapped. They spoke the same niceties as they had before that faithful coffee run in September. They spoke only when there was an ill-fated silence lulled in the air. He felt awkward around her again. He felt isolated from her again. He felt lonely again, only this time, he felt lonelier, knowing what he was missing with her not being in his life.

He tried to not let it get to him. He tried to adjust to this phase of this relationship. He figured that she might have been scared at how close their relationship was going, that she was afraid to get into another relationship so quickly. He wanted her to have her space and come back to him eventually when she was ready, whenever that would be.

He made his way back to the annex and noticed that his phone was ringing, "Toby Flenderson."

Jan's voice came over the phone, "Hey Toby. How are you?"

Toby nodded, "Hey Jan. I'm good. You?"

Jan's voice didn't lighten, "I'm alright. Look, Toby. I have some news that might be disturbing."

Toby felt his throat constrict. He could feel sweat behind his eyes trickling down his neck. He spun around, looking through the window seeing Pam at her desk, smiling up at Phyllis, lighting the room with a blink of her eye. "What is it?"

Jan breathed deeply, "Toby… the board decided to shut down Dunder Mifflin: Scranton."

Toby sighed with a bitter laugh, "Did Michael sell the office for magic beans?"

Jan chuckled, "No… but don't put it past him. We just felt that Josh would have a better impact on the future of the company."

Toby nodded, still looking at Pam, "So… what's gonna happen?"

Jan sighed again, "Well… a small number of personal will be transferred to the Stamford and others will be receiving severance packages."

Toby cleared his throat, "Am I a small number person or a severance package person?"

Jan chuckled, "Well… you're neither. I actually have a position in Corporate that might be opening up. David might be letting go our HR rep here. He and Kendall hate each other so… if you're interested…"

Toby looked at Pam again, weighing his options. "Could I think about?"

Jan chuckled, "Of course. And if you would, try to keep this quiet until everything is situated."

Toby nodded, "Sure, Jan. Are you coming over today?"

Jan spoke louder, "I'm actually pulling into the parking lot right now. I'll see you in a bit." With that, the line went dead.

Toby clicked off, hearing the sounds of the office escape from under the door. It felt surreal to hear everyone around him, oblivious of the fate they would face in a few hours. The branch was closing. It didn't surprise him as much as he thought it would. He knew it was only a matter of time until it happened. He knew it was childish to blame Michael, but he was pretty sure Michael would blame him in a heartbeat.

He saw Jan walk up to Michael's office and close the door. He wanted to tell Pam before she was told by Michael, but he was afraid that she wouldn't want to talk to him and he frankly didn't want two rejections before noon. He stood up and headed out to the office, hearing muffled hollers from Michael's office. He cringed slightly when he saw everyone's expressions to the actions going on beyond the closed door.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

**10:34 am**

Jan opened the door and left without another word to the other employees. Pam and Toby's eyes met briefly, but she turned her attention to Michael.

They both watched Michael walk around, harassing Stanley and Phyllis and saw Dwight question him about what happened in his office. Pam couldn't help but feel desperate to find out the news as well. She felt weird that Jan wanted to talk to Toby and then with her coming in and out of the office so quickly, leaving Michael in the shambles, she knew that something wasn't right.

As Michael made his way to reception, he gave Pam a big smile. Pam figured it was her chance to find out. "What did Jan want?" She looked concerned, trying to divert her attention to Michael.

Michael shook his head, "Nothing. Nothing. Just checking in." He smiled again, "I can't tell you, so..."

Pam could feel her throat constrict, "What can't you tell me?"

Michael shook his head again, "Nothing, Pam." He proceeded to mutter something incoherent.

Pam could barely hear what he said but she got the phase, 'All be gone in a few weeks'. She felt lightheaded, "What?!"

Michael countered, "What?"

Pam voice seemed squeakier, "You just said we're gonna be gone –"

Michael cut her off, "Do I have any messages?"

Pam practically shouted, "Michael, what's going on?" This ignited the entire room, causing the rest of the employees to shout questions and concern of the matter at hand. Toby watched on, knowing the truth but not allowed to voice it. He desperately wanted to tell Pam, but he knew she'd find out in due time.

Michael turned toward the office at large, taking a deep breath, "Ok, ok… Listen up, everyone. I have some news. We are screwed. Dunder Mifflin: Scranton is being shut down."

Toby shook his head, knowing that Michael would blab but hating his delivery, "Michael, uh... we shouldn't be talking about this until all the decisions have been made."

Michael looked caught off guard, "You knew about all along, didn't you?" Pam looked at Toby, feeling slightly betrayed by him for not telling her beforehand.

Toby stammered a bit, feeling Pam's eyes upon him for the first time in days, "Jan told me just a few minutes before she told you." He looked at Pam but she was facing another direction.

Michael pointed Toby out, "Traitor. You are a traitor."

Angela piped up, "What about us, Michael? Do we still have our job?"

Michael shrugged, "I don't know. Probably not." He shook his head, "This is the worst."

Pam looked at Michael, knowing that he was hurting but all she could think of was what was going to happen next. She felt like she was in limbo, leaving one state of mind and waiting to enter the next. She knew that this day would come eventually. She always thought that she would either quit, preferably after making a big speech, slapping someone, mostly Dwight, and storming out forever. But this was good too. She watched on as Michael asked Toby to follow him into his office and felt that stab of betrayal again. She knew that she and Toby weren't on the best of terms, but she thought that he would at least warn her about what would transpire.

She looked at her desk, seeing it with new eyes. This was really happening; she was finally leaving Dunder Mifflin. She remembered her first day at work like it was yesterday. Back then, there wasn't any Jim. Back then, she was blissfully happy, engaged to Roy. She was young and full of hope and excitement about her first real job. Until then, she was a volunteer at the local animal rescue. She couldn't wait to have responsibility, but after a few days, she realized her responsibility was looking after Michael. Back then, she didn't have many people to talk to, but there was always Toby. He was the first person she talked to after Michael. He told her about the office, what her job requirements were and always left with a smile. Back then, Toby was still married and Sasha was only in pre-school. He seemed happier then. She wanted to get to know Toby more, seeing as he was the only person who seemed not insane at her new job. But life got in the way. She spent more time with Roy on her lunch breaks. She spent more time planning her wedding, and when Jim arrived, he seemed to cloud over any mention of Toby. She looked back and realized that Toby had always been there, but she let other things get in the way. The trouble was she seemed comfortable with her road blocks, her speed bumps. They left her with a sort of comfort. She knew that Toby was always going to be there, regardless of their relationship, and knowing that gave her more comfort than anything.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

**11:43 pm**

Toby sat across from Michael, feeling his throat constrict as he was waiting for the lecture he was inevitably going to receive. Toby sighed, "Michael –"

Michael gave him a steely eye, "Who do you think you are?"

Toby shook his head, "I'm Toby."

Michael nodded, "Yes you are. You are Toby Flenderson, the worst creature to walk the earth." He stood up and walked around his desk, "You suck and… and you stink. And –"

Toby stopped his rant, "Michael, I'm sorry the branch is closing but –"

"Don't you dare…. Don't you dare do that. You don't speak to me… ever. How long did you know?" Toby shook his head, ignoring him when Michael screamed, "How long did you know?!"

Toby spoke softly, "Only a few minutes before you. Jan called me as she was driving over here."

Michael folded his arms, "You were in this together, weren't you?" There was no sound from Toby but Michael nodded, "I knew it." He walked back to the other side of his desk, "This is because me and Jan went to second base, isn't it? You're jealous because I got some and you didn't. Well… sorry I'm sexy, pal!"

Toby sighed, "This has nothing to do with you and Jan… besides technically if that's true, you are both in breach of your contracts with the company."

Michael laughed out loud, "Oh, didn't you hear? I'm fired! They fired me because of stupid Josh… but I'm sure your just loving it, aren't you? With your stupid face and your stupid rules!!"

Toby shook his head, "Look, Michael. I really don't think you should have told everyone this. It's not even settled… things can change."

Michael looked at Toby, "Damn right things can change." He stood up and walked toward the door, "I'm not letting them get away with this."

Toby stood up, "What do you think you're gonna –" Before he could finish, Michael was heading for the door, followed by Dwight.

Toby left the office, looking Pam's way. They're eyes met again for a brief moment and she turned away. He felt as if she cut him wide open, feeling the hurt in her eyes across the room. He couldn't understand what Pam wanted from him, talk to her, not talk to her. The truth was, Toby was confused.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Pam heard all the other employees talk about their fate, wondering if they were part of the chosen few to move to Stamford or would they be going to the unemployment office tomorrow morning. She let herself wonder of her own fate. She smiled slightly at the prospect of taking more classes, possibly going full time. She started feeling the wheels in her mind, thinking of all the possibilities that could occur when she left the office for the last time.

She reached for the phone briefly, wanting to call Jim. She had texted him a week before at the Diwali celebration she ended crashing. She thought about him while she was dancing and how he always joked about her dorky dancing. She wanted to let him know that she was going out and having fun, trying to grow, but he never texted her back. She thought about how it hurt that he never returned it or if he ever got it, and it was eating her up alive. She answered the phone, still wondering how Jim had a hold over her being so far away.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Toby listened on as Kelly continued to cry over the news. She peeked her head over the partition, "Toby?"

Toby swerved around, "Yeah. What's up?"

Kelly wiped away some of her streaks from her running mascara, only making more. "Are you sad it's all over?"

Toby raised his eyebrows, "Is what all over?"

Kelly smacked her lips, "You know… our jobs at Dunder Mifflin. I can't effing believe were all fired. I mean some of us are, like Pam and Kevin… I mean really, who'd take him to Stamford. But I hope me and Ryan are together."

Toby looked past the windows of the kitchen and looked at Pam, "Yeah… together."

Kelly nodded, "I mean…" She hiccupped between sobs, "If I leave and I can't be with Ryan… someone is gonna pay."

Toby turned to face Kelly again, getting déjà vu from his conversation with Michael. "I think everything is gonna work out, don't worry."

Kelly sighed, "Yeah… I suppose so." She wiped away some more tears. "I'm gonna miss you though."

Toby smiled at Kelly. She was an interesting desk mate to have. She was talkative and noisy and ditzy, but she had a good heart, even though her heart belonged to a guy who really didn't care for her as much as she openly cared for him. "Yeah, I'll miss you too."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

**12:32 pm**

Pam felt her stomach growl, knowing that she had been avoiding to go to the break room all day. She sighed and walked to the back of the office, fearful of running into him. She didn't want to see him, to have to talk to him, to have to hear what he had to say, to have to tell him what he wanted to know. She simply wanted to eat her lunch. When she looked at his desk however, she didn't see him. She sighed a breath of relief, but was halted when she saw him in the break room, looking her way.

Toby had noticed that she was walking toward the break room and wondered why she stopped at his desk. He gave him a small jump of joy that maybe she wanted to see him, maybe she wanted to talk to him. As she walked into the break room, he thought that they would actually speak. "Hey."

Pam stiffed at the sound of his voice, "Hey."

Toby noticed how she reacted and went back to his lone sandwich. Maybe it was still too soon. Maybe she was still upset. Maybe she didn't want to see him in here or at his desk, but he knew he would never know until he found out. "Pam… I wanted to tell you –"

Pam chuckled, "Yeah, sure." She couldn't believe he was actually gonna talk about it.

Toby sighed, "Pam… I really wanted to tell you but Jan said that nothing was definite."

Pam looked at Toby for the first time in the past week. She knew it was silly to be mad at him over something that wasn't in his control but she simply wanted an excuse to not be with him. She sighed, "Okay." She walked back out of the break room and headed back to her desk, where the phone was ringing.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

**3:45 pm**

Toby was cleaning out his desk, looking around at all the photos of Sasha that covered the walls. He looked at the pictures she drew in art class and how well she made fingers for her and Daddy. He looked at the program that he got from the lecture a few weeks ago and a picture he had that Phyllis took at Stanley's birthday party with him and Pam. It was a few days after their first coffee run and her eyes seemed to sparkle. He was so happy to be near her, and when Phyllis told him about the picture, he would have paid to have one to look at every day.

He thought about what he was gonna do with his life, life after Dunder Mifflin. He had smiled, resurrecting the idea that he fondly thought about after his divorce with his wife, Samantha. He had went to Amsterdam for a week or a month, never really sure which one, and had wanted to leave Dunder Mifflin even then. Where he had wanted to go at the time and still thought about now was Costa Rica. He would steal a few minutes out of the day and look up little retreats on the surf, remembering his fantasies of feeling the wind in his hair, the relief of no responsibilities other than finding food for meals and living life to the fullest. He smiled to himself, knowing that he could only imagine one person by his side, even before he knew he could. She was always there, when she was blissfully happy with Roy or when she laughed with Jim, he savored the moments when she noticed him in the crowd and saved a smile for him. She would always be the one by his side on the beach and he'd wait for her to be ready.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

**3:55 pm**

Pam thought about her talk with Toby or whatever that was. She was also worrying what was taking Michael so long. She didn't want to think about having to be a character witness at some trial because Michael and Dwight threw a rock or set the CFO's house on fire in revenge. She thought about what Jim knew about the branch closing and if he was nervous, if he was thinking about her at all, like she was thinking of him.

She looked at the annex again, and felt a lump in her throat. She never thought about the fact that this might be the last time she ever saw Toby. She never conceived the notion that she might never see him again. She let the thought wash over her and she felt a tremendous sense of guilt come through as well. She was so enthralled by the concept of Jim possibly being in her life when she had something possibly real happening now. As she felt her legs stand, she saw Jan coming through the door, looking haggard.

Pam watched Jan walk over to Michael's office, "Where's Michael?"

Pam shrugged, "He's not here. I don't know where he is." She felt the familiar constricting in her throat again.

Jan noticed Phyllis knitting and Ryan throwing around his new business cards around his desk, "What's going on here?"

Phyllis spoke up, "We know the branch is closing; Michael told us."

Jan sighed, dropping her bag on the ground. "Ah, god. Okay. You know what everybody? I'm sure there is a better way to do this but I've driven something like 400 miles today and I'm completely exhausted so I'm just gonna tell you. Your branch is not closing; Stamford is closing. Um, for the time being, it seems that all your jobs are safe."

A wave of relief and joy reached the far corners of the office. Sounds of cheer were heard throughout the place. Pam watched on as everyone hugged and smiled at the news, but Pam felt a drop in the pit of her stomach. The _Stamford_ branch was closing, not Scranton.

Pam looked up at Jan, "Is it because of Michael? Did he actually do something?"

Jan shook her head, "Well, reasons are not important. Would you just call him, please? Wherever he is... and tell him."

Pam nodded, "Sure." She tried to bite her tongue but the question was making her want to burst. "Uh.. Jan... um, do you know, is anyone coming back to Scranton?"

Jan looked confused, "Back?"

Pam stiffed at her slip up, "Coming to Scranton. Is anyone coming to Scranton?"

Jan shrugged, "Uh….We don't know. Probably a few."

As Jan walked out of the office again, a million possibilities ran through her mind. She couldn't contain the sheer shock and relief that she was still an employee of Dunder Mifflin. She was sadden at the prospect of no full time college life. She would have liked to take a few extra classes, but that seemed like a dream that simply wasn't ready to take flight. She also was reminded that someone might be returning. She smiled for a moment, imagining the joy that she would feel seeing him again.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

**4:34 pm**

Toby heard the squeal of Kelly Kapoor as she ran to Ryan and Pam with joy that the branch wasn't closing. He put his head in his head, recollecting over the news. The branch wasn't closing, he still had a job… a job he hated and the only light at the end of the tunnel was distant. He felt like he did earlier in the day… as if he were in a type of limbo, wondering where to go or what to do next. Should he try to talk to Pam? Should he wait for her to talk to him? Should he just go home? He really didn't know.

He watched Pam leave for her desk and knew that he would most likely wait for her to come to him. He didn't like confrontations. He knew that being in HR he would constantly be dealing with confrontations but with her, he didn't want to push her. He chuckled, remembering only a week and a half before he was holding Pam in his arms, laughing and being incandescently happy and he let his chance to express himself to her float away. He sighed again as he packed up his belongings for the day.

As he was walking through the kitchen, Kevin had mentioned to him that everyone was heading over to Poor Richard's to celebrate. He saw everyone's smiles and laughter, realizing that for most of employees, losing their job would be catastrophic for their families. He was happy that he was able to keep his job, he just feared that he wouldn't be able to enjoy it. As he was leaving after Oscar, he overheard Phyllis tell Pam that Jim was coming back. A part of him knew that this was going to happen eventually, but he hated knowing it was true. He gave Pam one final glance and decided that a pint would help him forget today ever happened.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

**5:02 pm**

Pam was walking to her car, thinking about joining everyone over at Poor Richard's. She knew that Toby was there and she honestly didn't want to have another awkward moment with him today. She felt in this weird state of mind that could only be described as torn. She knew that this time next week, she would be in a much closer proximity with Jim than she'd been in nearly six months. She liked knowing that she would be seeing him every day and would have a chance to tell him what she should have told him back in May. She felt elated that she would have another chance, but she felt the stab of resemblance of the situation. She knew that Toby had feelings for her and she would be lying if she didn't admit it as well, but the simple fact that her emotions for him could never be as strong as they were for Jim made things seem foggy and gray. She knew she had some thinking to do and she figured that she head home to do it. But as she got behind the wheel, there was only one person on her mind… and it wasn't Jim.

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_More to come… sooner rather than later. I'm terribly sorry about the delay. I secretly wanted to find out what happened in the finale before putting this up. I hope you've enjoyed it and look an update soon, I promise! And thanks to ktface3 for being so patient to beta this thing. Thanks ya'll! – MrsBigTuna_


	5. Merging of Lives

_**Disclaimer: I don't own the office or anything that holds any significance to anyone besides me. And that's my life story.**_

_A/N: Long story about this chapter. I actually finished it about a week ago but than I had to rewrite it due to the wonderful aspects of a trial period on Word. Trust me kids... it's a dead-end. Thanks again to all my faithful readers. You guys rock! Without further adieu, the next chapter._

**November 16, 2006**

**7:02 am**

Pam smiled slightly in the mirror as she was drying her hair from the shower. Watching it curl around her ears, she looked at her reflection. Most days she was pleased by her appearance, liking the curves and enjoying how after all these years, she still had the same build she had in high school, only a few things seemed to get slightly larger. Suddenly, a small flip stirred at the pit of her stomach, a fear that she wouldn't be as desirable to him.

Jim... she thought about him a lot these days. Not that she didn't think of him before but the constant thought of him being near her once again kept the stress and insanity of her usual hum-drum existence at bay. She smiled again, thinking about the past week or so and knowing what his return would mean: new beginnings, a fresh start and never-endings. She didn't like dwindling on the past as much, only that she loved what they had and could only hope it could be that way again, maybe more. Jim's last words to her in the parking lot on that ill-fated night in May had been ringing in here head for months: _More than that_... she now knew more than ever she was ready. As she put her hair into curlers, she thought of Toby for a fleeting moment. She wanted to tell her what was on her mind, be honest but the truth was, she wasn't sure where they stood or how she felt. A part of her felt that if she went to Poor Richard's to see him, she would be somehow betraying Jim, and frankly, she had done enough of that to last a lifetime.

She nodded, wrapping a towel around her chest and walking to her bedroom. As she neared her closet, she chuckled, looking at its size and knowing that her selection was limited but she knew that this wasn't anything to take lightly. She pulled down two completely different sweaters: her favorite pink sweater that Jim had always complimented her on and the new sweater that her Mom had made her for her birthday. Hmm... Old Pam, New Pam. Old Pam, New Pam. She looked at her reflection, nodding at her decision and racing to the bathroom to change.

As she walked out of her apartment, she couldn't help to find a slight bounce in her step. She giggled at the butterflies fluttering in her stomach, knowing that as soon as she was in his arms once again, she'd feel at home.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Toby was looking up at the ceiling, enjoying the first moments in the day when he didn't know his name, where he was or didn't care to know. This was the time of the day where he felt clear-headed, not contaminated by life's troubles and woes; he was just a guy with sleep in his eyes and nothing more. But as his vision got clearer, he began to remember his name, where he was, and he still didn't seem to care. He was Toby Flenderson and he would be leaving in the next thirty minutes to an office where time seemed to either stand still or move too fast. Either way, it never seemed to be in his favor. He sighed and sat up in bed, letting the morning glory of the mocking sun drown him.

As he was tying his necktie, he was reminded of how lonely he felt all the time. When he was married, his wife usually left his necktie for him on the doorknob since he always had difficulty and she knew. He didn't miss the fact that his neckties were pre-tied; he missed someone knowing little things about him. He missed someone knowing his secrets and having them for safe keeping. He looked at his watch, knowing that time was getting away from him , always at the wrong time.

As he drove down the road, he decided to take the longer way to work, driving past Nay Aug Park. He loved taking Sasha there and walk around the gorge and large tree house. It was always peaceful and he enjoyed being one with nature. The little distractions that kept the constant pressures at bay helped pass the days, but as he pulled into the Dunder Mifflin's parking lot, the pressures seemed to be catching up with him as the familiar constriction took hold of his throat.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

**8:04 am**

Pam walked into the kitchen, looking at Toby's desk. She smiled, thinking that maybe she and he could be friends somehow, without the awkwardness. As she reached the coffee container to make some fresh pot, her thoughts drifted her to their conversation a few days before.

_Pam walked into the kitchen, feeling herself breathe. She tried to steady her heartbeat but there was no use. Michael had begged her to go to the annex to collect the folders on the new employees from HR. He was convinced that Toby was diseased with _Lame-ititus. _She shook her head at the thought and walked over to the annex, hoping to make some headway. As she saw Toby's head full of red hair just past the door to the annex, she felt at ease. She pushed the door open, greeting the back of Toby's head, "Hey."_

_Toby spun in his chair, softly smiling, "Hey." _

_Pam scratched the back of her calf, trying to distract herself from the invisible tension that seemed to sneak up on her whenever she was around him, "So, thanks for earlier."_

"_What?"_

"_You know, with Dwight." She chuckled a little, remembering how Dwight ran around the building for over twenty minutes before he realized that Pam had eventually went upstairs and wasn't keeping time like she promised. "He looked like such a complete idiot, it was fantastic."_

_Toby's shoulders seemed to have lost the added tension from the room as he chuckled along with Pam. "Yeah, I bet."_

_Pam walked over and absentmindedly took a seat next to him, "Yeah, he was so mad too. It was great." She nodded some more before she realized she had indeed took a seat next to Toby. _

_Toby nodded, "Yeah, wish I should have saw it."_

"_Yeah, me too." She knew what she said, and a small part of her meant it. She really did enjoy her time with Toby, when it wasn't awkward. She liked talking to him and interacting with him when it was just them but over the past few weeks, so many things had happened to make those rare moments seem small. _

_Toby caught her slip and moved a fraction closer, "So... Thursday should be interesting?"_

_Pam nodded, suddenly raptured with the image of Jim standing before her with hushed whispers and silents pleads echoing in her mind. It would be indeed interesting. "Yeah... new blood. Should be fun to watch."_

"_What? Michael make a total ass of himself?"_

"_More than usual on any given day." She chuckled, liking the instant banter they created, distancing her thoughts of blue dresses and black sweaters and a promise she knew she would indeed break._

_Toby leaned closer to her, "Hey... um, are you busy? I was gonna go on a coffee run and -_

_Pam felt a pang in her stomach like a thunderbolt, causing her to project right out of her chair, "Um... yeah, actually I came back here to get the folders for Michael from Stamford." She tucked a loose strand of hair, hoping that he wouldn't notice her stammer._

_Toby looked melancholy for brief moment before passing the folders over, "Here you go." He tried to look into her eyes, but she turned around to quickly, leaving him with his thoughts and carrying the burden of resurrecting decisions and betrayals._

Pam shook her head into the coffeepot, "Pam... you are... kinda a bitch." She sighed, rinsing it off and cleaning off the machine from grounds. As she wiped down the counter, she spotted Toby out of the corner of her eye. She froze momentarily, afraid of what their interaction might entail. She had tried to stir clear of him for the following days of their last conversation, hoping she wouldn't have to be confronted abut her lack of niceties and warm smiles. As he approached the entrance, she tried to steady her breath, hoping he wouldn't notice. He walked by, facing straight ahead. He only stopped short to grab a cup of coffee and continued to walk to the annex.

She watched as he settled at his desk, not looking at her. She felt for a fleeting moment, rejection, something she hadn't experienced in a long time. She knew she should have expected it but the blow didn't lesson. Just as she turned toward the restroom, her phone came to life in her pocket. She smirked until she saw the name _Michael_ light up on the small screen. She still cursed herself by ever putting the correct information in the company's directory, knowing that Michael updated his cellphone every year upon its release religiously. "Hi, Michael."

"Pamelina! What's in your kool-aid?"

"What is it, Michael?"

Michael chuckled, "Hey, look. I need you to go the store for me."

"But I'm already at the office -

"The list is on my desk and you can take money from petty cash. Thank you for very mucha!" With that, the line went dead.

Pam rolled her eyes, stuffing her phone back in her pocket and checking the time on the wall. It was already 8:15 and she had to get back before the new guests arrived. She shook her head as she dashed over to Michael's office and grabbed the elusive list. "_Champagne... fresh salmon... toasted triangles... candlesticks... better lightening... _what is this, a date?" She sighed as she walked over to Accounting and wrote a quick memo on Kevin's desk. As she headed to the coat rack, Toby emerged from the kitchen.

"Going somewhere?"

"Yeah, Michael wanted me to pick up a few items from the market for him. You think you can hold down the fort while I'm gone?" She smiled slightly, trying to shake whatever happened in the kitchen from memory.

Toby nodded, "I think I can manage." He gave her an easy smile, the one he had only reserved for her.

Pam gave him a smile in return, "Okay, see ya later." With that, she was out the door.

XXXXXXXXXX

Toby heard the click of the door behind her, feeling it send chills down his spine. He couldn't believe how childish he was acting and inwardly cursed himself for his behavior but today was different. Today made everything between them officially over, for the one person he dreaded to see would return. The saddest thing about the situation is that him and Jim were friends. He liked the guy, he was approachable and endearing. He was talented and charming, which would explain why any woman, including Pam, fall victim to his charms.

The truth of the matter was he was fully aware of the impact Pam had on Jim and his leaving the branch. Toby was blind to the longing stares he would regularly send reception. He wasn't naïve to the frequent visits to HR he made to vent about the plans of a June wedding and save-the-dates. He was aware of the silent reasoning that brought Jim to Stamford and he knew it's what brought him back. Seeing Pam wipe down the counter with a trace of a smile on her face, she knew that she too was awaiting his arrival.

He walked back into the annex, hearing his fellow employees enter the office. He heard Stanley and Phyllis settle at their desks, wondering when the new arrivals would show up. He sighed, gong back to his desk and trying to prepare. Not to see Pam and Jim, but to have to face another day with Michael Scott.

XXXXXXXXXXX

**9:12 am**

Pam came rushing into the office, heading straight for the conference room. She heard something that Michale was saying about trying to impress an older man, but she knew that she had already checked herself in the mirror twelve times before heading into the building. She noticed that everyone had already arrived, chatting about the new arrivals. She blushed slightly, feeling the anticipation hit a zenith when she saw the first ones step through the door.

As she walked over to her post, she saw several new people walk through the door, being greeted by Michael. He was in rare form that day, smiling and beaming at his new victims, handing them different assorted gifts which she was pretty sure were items he found in the bottom of his file cabinet. She shook her head at the ridiculous jokes he made and the stunt he put on, but nothing could ruin her good mood. As she was starting to get more anxious, a young woman walked through the door. She seemed level-headed and brought with her a calming presence. Pam smiled, "Hi!"

"Hi."

"I'm Pam."

The young woman smiled, "Karen. I love your sweater."

Pam blushed, "Oh, thanks. My Mom made it for me."

"Really? That's so cool. I've always wanted to learn -

Michael walked up, looking excited, "Welcome."

"To knit." Karen looked over at Michael, not really sure what to make with his smile. Pam stifled a giggle at Michael's attempt at making her laugh and Karen's rebuttal. She was already starting to like this girl. Maybe Jim's arrival had more surprises in store.

She smiled as another one of the new employees arrived, heading straight for Michael. She stifled another giggle at the display of affection the new guy, Andy, had for Michael immediately. She could already foresee some competition in store for Dwight, from the preppy tie to the happy-go-lucky attitude. She watched on as she heard a familiar voice enter through the door.

She made a quick glance at the camera, her one solace during their separation and gave it a hopeful smile as she ran into his arms. She was startled how fast she could move when motivated and she could feel the warmth that left all those months ago return. She stole a moment in their embrace to close her eyes and breathe him in. He was really here, holding her and his warmth surrounded her completely. His touch was electrifying, coursing through her veins and reaching the tips of her fingers. She was devoured by his presence and drowning in his existence. She knew that for the rest of her life, she would be his.

He tried to make some playful banter, but nothing could top her euphoria. He was really here, with her. Not through rapid text messages or late night phone calls. She could see his soft freckles on his cheeks and observe his golden locks. She could witness his smile up close and know that behind it lied a truth that only they shared. All she could think of was being with him like this always. She watched as he saw Dwight and enjoyed his comebacks, making her melt under his spell. He was home, and so was she.

XXXXXXXXXX

Toby stayed in the annex, afraid of seeing their reunion, knowing it would probably involve fireworks and a choir seeing the Hallelujah Chorus. It was easy for him to be cynical when all these weeks he had been so optimistic about him and Pam. He knew in the long run he was kidding himself. Why would a beautiful woman be interested in a man ten years her senior when she had the pick of the litter at her disposal. The wool wasn't pulled over his eyes about the idea that Pam and him were only a dream that had no place or pretense to ever be. He could only hold onto those small moments they shared during which time they could have been happy.

He was looking over the Stamford confidentiality files to go along with some others to give to Kevin when he heard the door swing open. "Hey Toby!"

"Hey, Jim!"

"How are you, man?"

"Oh, really good." Now that Jim, stole his woman, he was just dandy.

"I just wanted to say hi."

Toby looked at his fresh face, seeing that Jim was just another guy who had fallen for the receptionist, and that they were not much different. He smiled, "How are you? Hey. Welcome back." He proceeded to offer his fist, trying to show some camaraderie to the man who shared his boat.

Jim confused, "Oh, is that your new thing?"

Toby looked down at his hand and felt the stupidity wash over him. What moron fist bumps? He shook his headd, "No, I'm sorry, it's..."

"No, it's cool." Jim offered his fist.

"No, it's nothing. We'll just..." They shook his hands, trying to rid the awkwardness.

"All right. Good to be back."

"So...okay."

"All right."

"All right... sorry... sorry about that." He felt that he just needed to apologize to erase that small stunt of stupidity.

"No problem." Jim headed for the door, trying to escape the scene, Toby was sure. After he left, he sighed, knowing today was gonna be a long one.

XXXXXXXXXXX

**10:14 am**

As Michael announced everyone into the conference room, Pam walked along side Jim, feeling nostalgic about the countless meetings they attended. She smiled up at him, overjoyed when he returned the gesture. She saw Karen again and smiled her way, excited to see her impression on her infamous meetings. As everyone settled down, she saw Toby walk into the door, looking more miserable than ever. She looked down, afraid of what eye contact might do.

As Michael started up the tape, she giggled at Jim's little comments and Michael's enthusiasm. Before the video started however, she saw Karen pass Jim a piece of gum. She saw the hand-off and didn't think much of it. She figured that they were friends, which would make it easy for her and Karen to be friends. She smiled again, liking how easy the transition was to be with him again.

XXXXXXXXXX

Toby watched the spectacle across the table, watching Pam's smile as she interacted with him and saw that twinkle he had held so dear return for the first time in weeks. She was completely consumed by him and that's when it hit him. She was happy and he was happy for her. He had watched for months the dismal expressions and melancholy stares to an old desk with no occupant to her liking. Seeing her now, he realized that he could be happy for her, and not be miserable. She seemed to glow under the tacky fluorescent lights, showing her joy to the world. Without realizing it, he was smiling too. If she could find her happiness, he could find his as well.

As he watched on, looking at the pathetic attempt of Michael parodying a parody, he chuckled, hoping that he could find a distraction. Working at Dunder Mifflin, it wasn't selling paper that got you through the day, it was the distractions. Stanley had his crossword puzzle books, Phyllis had her knitting, Pam had her sketches and Toby had Pam. She seemed to comfort him without even trying, but simply being there. And as he watched her, smiling and joking with Jim, he found a peace in the confusion, a sense of calm among the chaos of his life. She radiated, completely and incandescently happy. And so was he.

XXXXXXXXXX

**12:02 pm**

After the viewing, everyone began to settle with their new desk mates. As Jim was looking over some files on the corner, Pam noticed his interaction with Karen. They seemed playful, and she wanted to smile, but instead she felt left out. She wanted to be part of the joke, enjoy a laugh with them, but knew that she would in time. She watched on, seeing that Karen's smile seemed larger in his presence. For a fleeting moment, Pam could have sworn that she saw that look in her eyes before, not really sure what to make of it. She shook her head, _They're just friends_, that's all they could be. As she saw Jim head into the break room, she decided she could talk to him one-on-one, like they used to.

She watched on as he went to the vending machine, certain that he would go with old reliable. But when his hand passed the purple button to the one where the bottled water was held, her stomach did another unmistakable flip. She walked over, "Hey."

"Hey!"

"What happened to grape soda" She pointed the object as if it were diseased.

Jim shrugged, "Oh yeah. I'm trying to move away from that. Getting into more of a bottled water phase."

"Oh, you've changed so much." She tried to keep it light, but she couldn't ignore the slight pang in her chest.

"Well, I'm evolving, Pam."

Another pang hit her in chest, making it clear that he was indeed changing and evolving, but into what? She continued to keep the conversation light, but it was proving difficult when he seemed so guarded. "So when do I get to hear everything? Are you still getting unpacked or... you want to grab a coffee of something after work?"

Jim looked surprised, "Oh! Um... tonight, actually? No. I uh...just still getting settled." He shook his head again, giving off this guarded vibe again, sending chills down Pam's spine.

She tried to cover, "Oh, yeah, no! You know. Whenever." She rubbed her arms, trying to calm her nerves and figure out why she was being sent this strange feeling that he didn't want to be around her. She knew it was absurd but she couldn't shake it.

"Okay." He smiled at her,but behind his eyes, there was something there, unrecognizable to Pam completely. She smiled back, but she wasn't sure what exactly she was smiling at. She felt another pang in her chest, familiar to the pang she felt when she saw Jim and Karen joke around. She felt left out the picture somehow, and it concerned her. Just as she was about to say something, Michael came in.

He seemed nervous coming into the room and all apologetic, which caught Pam off guard, _When did Michael ever apologize for entering a room?_ She thought the notion was funny and as she tried to giggle about it with Jim, he seemed not interested, heading back into the office. "I should probably get back to work."

Pam nodded, "Yeah, I know, me too."

Jim smiled, "All right."

Pam watched as he left, wondering if his smiles were sincere, and realizing that she never wondered that before. As that thought consumed her mind, she felt another pang in her chest.

XXXXXXXXXX

**1:22 pm**

Michael had summoned everyone back into the conference room for another presentation, as Toby saw another look of Pam, only this time she seemed worried. He recognized the furrowed brow from whenever Michael asked anything of her that didn't involve answering phones or sending faxes. He wanted to ask her what was wrong, but he knew that when it came to Pam, she had to come to you. He sighed, as he followed suit into the room.

Watching Michael make an ass of himself day after day had it's advantages. You could watch for hours because he would inevitably do something stupid through the course of the day that made going to work worth it, if only to see him do it without fail. Toby smiled, liking that constant in his life. Regardless of how Michael treated him, the powers at be always had a way of making him pay for it in the end. He tried to approach this logic when it came to Pam. He wanted it be that simple, that straight-forward, but when it came to her, nothing seemed crystal clear, which always kept things interesting among other things.

As the meeting progressed and Michael started his ritual of people on the table and have them looking down on the others, which he fondly called 'Lifted Chairs', Michael's version of the children's game, 'Musical Chairs', which Toby was sure that Michael never participated in, making this version all the more sad. As he was amused by the spectacle him and Dwight were doing with their poor victim, he caught a golden mane in the corner of his eye.

XXXXXXXXXX

Pam sat next to Jim, hoping that whatever awkwardness passed from the break room. She tried to settle in her chair, trying to find her comfortable feeling she had with him this morning, but she couldn't find it. Instead, she looked at the spectacle Michael was making, trying so hard to win over his new employees hearts. In the moment, she had an enlightenment. She watched as Michael continued to be his usual self and saw his determination and thought that regardless of how ridiculous he may look, he still tried to hold his own, making whatever screw-up scheme of his into a positive. She had to smile, admiring him for something that could be looked at as a fault but really a characteristic.

She took this time to look to her left, watching Jim watching Michael, wondering what he was thinking. She remembered her time on the table and Jim's as well. She fondly called the ritual 'Lifted Chairs'. Her and Jim laughed about how they figured Michael was left out the children's game 'Musical Chairs' as a child and this was his way of experiencing that, but like everything else, it went disastrously. She wanted to nudge him, hoping to get his attention, but she wasn't sure if he'd respond. She felt uncomfortable sitting next to him, feeling like she had when she answered the phone weeks ago when he called after months of nothing. She was just waiting there for him to notice her like he always had, but as another pang swelled in her chest, there was no suffice.

As she turned to the other corner of the room, she noticed Toby smiling slightly at the performance Michael was doing to make Tony Gardner get onto the table to join the rest of his employees. She watched on as Toby's eyes widened when Tony quit in front of the room, calling Michael and the office dysfunctional. She continued to watch him and had a longing feeling to sit next to him. She wanted to experience this with him, who seemed into the spectacle and not distant. And then he turned to her as if he felt her eyes. She smiled his way, hoping he would return. And with his smile spreading across his face, a feeling she hadn't felt all day since her embrace from Jim swelled within her, warmth.

XXXXXXXXXX

**2:30 pm**

Toby watched Michael try to make everyone unite as an office with his ploy to get everyone into the parking lot. He sighed, looking at everyone's tires, including his that seemed to have more punctured holes in his tire than everyone's else. He shook his head, as Michael tried to convince that the stunt was by Vance Refrigeration, knowing that Michael would only be that thick-headed to think that it would work.

Michael tried to convince the others to get them back, "We can pull together as one and steal their refrigerators."

Toby shook his head, "I don't...I don't think we can do that."

Michael waved him off, "Go home, Toby."

Toby nodded, weighing his options. He could go home, catch the game early tonight. But he'd be lonely like always so he figured that he might as well stay here. At least here, she was here.

He nodded and headed into the building, following Phyllis and Meredith, trying to get back inside before he froze. As everyone piled into the elevator, he saw Pam enter with her face rosy from the cold, sending butterflies in his stomach and seeing her expression on it that sent chills down her spine. What had she seen out there?

XXXXXXXXXX

And there it was. The reason why Jim had been distant since their solitary embrace at the beginning of the day. The reason why he was too busy to hang out late that evening. The reason why his eyes seemed unfamiliar. He wasn't hers anymore. He was Karen's Jim. The playful banter, the quiet inside jokes, the shared gum, it all added up. They were seeing each other. She couldn't know how long they'd been official or whatever it was but it was as clear as glass. The look Karen held when she was in his presence was the same as he held with her all those months ago. She was completely sprung on Jim Halpert.

She felt the familiar pangs hit her continuously as she made her way to the elevator. How could she have been so blind and naïve? Of course Jim would find someone else. He was single and she didn't have any real claim on him but what he professed to her in the quiet darkness of a night that now seemed as if it happened to someone else. The night that changed her life seemed so foreign to her now as she watched them from her desk, watching them bond with the other employees, laughing and uniting. She chuckled bitterly to herself, realizing that Michael's little rouse played out after all.

XXXXXXXXXXX

**5:04 pm**

Toby gathered up his belongings, excited that he could head home and see the game. He knew he DVR'd the first half, so he didn't worry about coming during halftime. He smiled at Phyllis and Stanley as they chuckled along with the new employees. He liked seeing everyone getting along, shaking his head that one of Michael's ideas actually worked. He passed Jim and noticed that Karen was leaving, chuckling with him before she walked out the door. He thought it was interesting but didn't but too much thought into it. He knew how much he cared for Pam and nothing could destroy that. He tried not to dwell on it too much as he saw that Pam was staying late as well.

He grabbed his coat and headed out the door, looking at her one last time while her head was down. He was sure she didn't notice him, but he liked knowing that he could still admire her and maybe in time, they could find a medium.

As he walked into the brutal cold again, he felt optimistic again for the first time in weeks. Yeah, he and Pam could always be friends. He could be around her and not feel weird and he could enjoy her. The truth was any part of her was better than no part at all. With his new outlook on life, he turned the key in the ignition and drove home, knowing that there was a football game, a new leather couch and a case of ice cold beer calling his name.

XXXXXXXXXX

Pam had noticed everyone had left, including Jim a few minutes after everyone else. She watched him from the kitchen and headed for the door. As she walked to her desk, she heard the elevator be summoned to the floor and as she heard the doors close, she felt the tears that had been threatening to fall since earlier touch the corners of her eyes. She shook her head, _Not here._ She didn't want these walls witnessing her tears, adding to the large pile of secrets it already encased. She breathed jaggedly, wondering when time seemed to get fuzzy and her world as she knew it seemed to go to shit. She tried to recount what she might have done in this life or a previous one to deserve this pain.

As she locked up the office, she walked the solitary stroll to the elevator, fearing if she took the stairs, the waterfall that was about to cascade down her cheeks would release. She leaned on the wall of the elevator, replaying today's events, trying to see if there was anything else she missed. She shook her head, knowing there was no use. All she'd do would make the tears come more.

As she felt the cruel winds of early November pass through the parking lot, she saw Jim at the end by his car. She tried to walk fast to her car to avoid a confrontation. She frankly witnessed enough in this parking lot to last her a while. Alas, he saw he and hung up his phone call, which she was pretty sure Karen was on the other end. "Hey."

She tried to pull everything she had not to fall apart there, "Hey!" She realized than the only way she could pull this off was act overly hyper.

"I thought you had already... left."

It occurred to her than that he was trying to avoid her, miss her completely, which made it harder to keep up the charade."Uh... no. I just uh had some other stuff to do." _Like not cry myself into a ball under my desk._

"Oh... Good." She watched him, noticing that he seemed to have something on his mind.

"What's up?"

"Oh, nothing. I just feel bad. I feel like things were just a little weird or... something."

_Tell me about. _"What do you mean?" He breathed into the cold air and she felt her breath leave her body, it was coming.

"I just think I should tell you that... I've sort of started someone else. And uh..."

And there is was. He was dating Karen. It was official. She lost him and there was nothing she could do about it. "Oh. That's totally cool. You can do whatever you want." She didn't like the way it came out but she figured at this point, it really didn't matter.

"O..okay. Um, good." He nodded a little, something he used to do when he was nervous.

For the life of her, she couldn't help but feel for him. He moved on, it wasn't his fault that she said 'No' to him all those months ago. It wasn't his fault that he found someone for him, it was no one's fault, it just was. She looked at him and knew that he might have a girlfriend, but she would always call him her friend. "We're friends. We'll always be friends."

"Right." He continued to nod, making her want to hold him again, letting him know it was okay.

"It's good to have you back." She smiled beside herself, meaning what she said.

"Good to be back." He smiled this time, and for a moment, she thought she saw her Jim behind those green eyes. As he turned back to his car, she watched him get in. She sighed into the night, thinking that her big pink blanket and a big bowl of Rocky Road would calm her nerves. If she was lucky, _Steal Magnolias_ would be on tonight.

XXXXXXXXXX

**7:30 pm**

Toby was watching the game, smiling that the Eagles were close to making a touchdown twice in the same game. He chuckled, knowing that it was silly to be so invested in a team that had no hope to ever be more than what they were, but the same logic related to him and Pam. He was invested in their friendship if he'd like to admit or not.

He looked around his living room and felt that feeling of loneliness again. He missed someone being there when he got home, another person's warmth to greet him, another heartbeat to share the same space. He looked at the big screen that he bought on a whim on his wedding anniversary, just for the hell of it and felt empty. He shook his head and put his shoes on, heading for the hall closet. He was frankly tired of feeling empty. He wanted to feel alive and knowing that he wouldn't find his remedy there, he walked out into the November night, hoping to find what he was looking for, whatever that may be.

XXXXXXXXXX

Pam snuggled up on her couch with her fluffy pink blanket in her favorite flannel pajamas. She channel-surfed, hoping to find something sappy to have a good cry when she saw _Pride & Prejudice_ was on. She smiled, loving the old classic book as a teenager and hoping to find her own Mr. Darcy when she was older. Before the credits came on, she jumped up to retrieve the final ingredient to a Sappy Watch '06, a bowl of the much coveted Rocky Road by the lovely people of Häagen-Dazs.

She chuckled, wondering if woman across the world sent them letters thanking them for helping them through break-ups, divorces, deaths or celebrations. She opened the fridge and grabbed the carton, a smile spreading across the first time since that morning. However, when she opened it, there was nothing inside. What cruel joke was it to leave a empty carton of ice cream in the fridge. Than she remembered she left it to remind her to buy some more. She sighed, throwing it away. "Dammit."

She watched Keira Knightly giggling with her sister about the ball and wanted to have someone like that. She wanted to giggle and laugh with someone. She looked at herself, wiggling her toes that were stuffed into thick socks with hearts on them and sighed, "What am I doing?"

She threw on some sneakers and grabbed her coat from the hall closet. She turned to see Keira, seeing Mr. Darcy for the first time. She sighed and headed outside.

XXXXXXXXXX

**8:02 pm**

Toby drove down the road, wondering what the wind would carry him. Before he knew what came over him, he found himself at the Glider Diner. It was a small little place that sold pie and really big hamburgers, the kind of place you would go to after Saturday baseball game or if you wanted to have something warm in the dead of the winter. He parked his car, thinking that this might be the place to find some nice people, a friendly face and a piece of chocolate cream pie, guaranteed to fill him up.

As he strolled into the place, he walked up to the counter. He looked over at the menu, seeing it hadn't change since he was a child, if the menu itself was probably from when he was a child. He smiled, liking the fact that in Scranton, there was a sense of consistency that the bigger cities didn't have. It gave him the warmth that he was needing. As he took a look around the diner, he noticed old pictures from the decades it stood there. He chuckled, feeling a little part of its history sitting there awaiting the pie. As she made another sweep of the restaurant, something caught his eye. As he walked closer, the wavy hair he come to know in a different setting was sitting there, sniffling over a bowl of ice cream. "Pam?"

She turned around, a stray tear falling from her left eye, "Toby."

XXXXXXXXXX

She had pulled up to the diner, not knowing where she was headed but knowing that she wanted Rocky Road. She had tried at the market but they had run out, leaving Pam in quite a fix. She was driving down the streets, in search of the ice cream to watch with the film she was sure was halfway over. She looked up after searching for a half hour and knew that Betsy made the best homemade ice cream around. She smiled, walking into the place that she spent many Saturday mornings with her father or on Friday nights with the girls. She hadn't been there since before Roy and her broke up, so being back was a nice welcome.

After ordering a bowl and a pint to take home, she figured she could sit and eat her ice cream in her favorite booth in the corner. She dug into the bowl like she always did when she was kid, devouring its silky texture on her tongue. She smiled, but looked down at the bowl. She found what she wanted but it didn't seem as great having it in her hands as she thought it would be. She sighed, losing the taste for it almost immediately. She shook her head, thinking how great it could be if all it took was to have what you wanted so easily and if all life's troubles could be resolved by ice cream. She felt the tears threatening to fall again, only this time, she gave in. As she felt the first of many tears form in her left eye, she heard someone come toward her, "Pam?"

She turned and saw the last person but the one person she wanted to see most. "Toby."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

_More to come. I know... a cliffhanger. I don't do them often but what can I say?LOL. I hope you liked it and as always, leave a review!!_

_Look for an update soon and on some other stories of mine very soon!_


	6. Christmastime is Here

_**Disclaimer: I don't own the Office. And that's that.**_

_A/N: Okay... this was a long one to get up here and I can see about another ten chapters more at least so... I hope you all continue with this journey. The last few chapters were kinda serious so I have added some comedy to this one as well, with nothing short of some well placed awkwardness. Thank you all for reading and if you like what you read, please review. At this point, a simple, 'This is great, update soon!' would do. A girl needs some encouragement sometimes. LOL. At any rate, please read, review, and enjoy. _

**December 14, 2006**

**7:52 am**

Pam looked around her apartment, watching the colored lights from the Christmas tree touch the corners of the room. She smiled, always liking colored lights as averse to white ones, simply because it felt more like Christmas. She had just turned them on for the day, loving the smell of pine that clung to the walls of her home. She closed her eyes, taking in the moment, letting the feeling of harmony wash over her. Christmastime was here.

...

Toby looked around his living room, taking out the final presents he hid for Sasha in the closet. He sighed, looking at the pile of wrapped gifts, thinking he might be spoiling her a tad bit much. As he arranged them under the tree, he smiled, thinking about the time of the year. He loved Christmastime, with the colors and spirit in the air, everything just seemed more alive. As she breathing the pine from the tree, he felt more alive as well.

...

She walked through the kitchen and looked at the the pile of garbage she neglected to take out the night before. She sighed, hating the chore but knowing that it had to get done. As she pulled the bags together, a discarded carton of ice cream fell out the bin. A smile found its way on lips, bringing her back an evening a few weeks prior.

* * *

_Toby was standing before her, looking down on her stray tear that fell from her eye. She wiped it away quickly, hoping he wouldn't notice. "Hi."_

"_Hey."_

_She sniffled, trying to keep her breathing leveled, "What are you doing here?"_

_Toby shrugged, "Just stumbled here, I guess." He chuckled, "Just had a hankering for Betsy's chocolate cream pie."_

_Pam smiled up at him, thankful he wasn't pressuring her about her state. She glanced at the pie rack and saw her reflection. She nearly gasped at the fright she was with her hair mussed up a bit and eyes swollen. She wiped her cheeks again, clearing her throat, "Um... you wanna sit down?"_

_Toby smiled, "You sure?"_

_Pam nodded, "Yeah." She watched as Toby took a seat across from her, motioning for the waitress to bring his pie to the table. _

_As the waitress came to the table, she turned to Pam, "Could I get anything else for you, sugar?"_

_Toby shook his head, "I think we're good." _

_He looked over across the table when Pam nodded. She smiled slightly, liking the sound of 'we' coming from his lips. She looked up and saw him smiling a bit as he ate his slice. "Is it good?"_

"_So good." He licked the fork and closed his eyes, enjoying the taste of the sweet treat. He looked across the table, seeing Pam fiddle with her bowl, not wanting to pry. "So... what flavor?"_

_Pam piped up, "Rocky Road."_

"_Nice. Acceptable choice." He chuckled a little, hoping she would as well. When nothing came, he decided to continue to eat. The silence grew a bit but wasn't threatening, just was. _

_She watched on as Toby ate, seemingly oblivious to her state and she was grateful. She didn't want to talk about what happened tonight, about how Jim wasn't hers, how everything seemed to be falling apart, and the one decent guy who actually looked her way was being treated like a jerk. She felt her hands trembling again and the tears threatening to fall. Before she could stop herself, the words came out, "He has a girlfriend."_

_Toby stopped in mid-stroke, looking her way. She watched as he struggled to find words to comfort her as the tears began to fall. "Uh..."_

_Pam stopped him, sniffling, "You don't have to say anything. I -"_

_Toby smiled, "Need a glass of water." He beckoned a server for a glass, smiling at Pam. "You want anything else? This pie is really good."_

_Pam chuckled, "I think I'd like a slice of pie." _

_Without another word, Toby passed her a handkerchief. She took it and wiped away another tear, getting a whiff of the gentle scent of Toby left on the fabric. _

_As she watched the waitress place two more slices of pie on the table, Toby pushed the plate toward her, "Eat up."_

_She sniffed, "Okay." She dug into the soft treat and let it consume her taste buds. She closed her eyes for a moment, realizing this is exactly what the doctor ordered. "This is so good."_

_Toby nodded, "Told ya." _

_She smiled, looking at him focusing on the pie, enjoying it as much as she was and liking where she was. She wasn't sure what brought her here and she wasn't sure what tomorrow would bring, but she knew that sitting here with him was where she was meant to be. "Thank you."_

_Toby looked her way, giving her an easy smile. He shrugged, "What are friends for?"_

* * *

Pam picked up the bags and walked to the door. As she grabbed her coat and purse, she took a glance at the hall mirror. She looked at her earrings and red sweater, smiling at the vibrant color. Today was the Christmas Party, and she knew that today was going to be a good day.

* * *

**8:43 am**

Toby walked into the office, seeing Dwight standing next to reception with a dead goose on the desk. He sighed, remembering the talk they had several months ago about the baby duck incident. It took him over a half hour to convince him that killing the duck was not only immoral but unsanitary in a workplace, especially with the fumes mixing with the radon gas. He looked at Pam, who looked completely disgusted at the sight and tried to persuade Dwight into not doing the deed.

"Dwight, we talked about this."

"No, Toby. This is different. It's already dead."

Toby looked at the dead goose's head hanging over the edge of the desk. He listened as a few others reasoned about the state of reception. He sighed, "Dwight, you cannot keep that here."

"Okay, that is ridiculous. And totally against the spirit of Christmas." He looked around for support from the others, but nothing came.

Toby shook his head, listening to Dwight reason, "It's a dead animal in the office. You can't -"

After Dwight pleaded some more, he nodded, "Clean it out in your car." He turned around and walked to the annex, making one final glance at Pam, who mouthed, "Thank you."

As Toby headed into the annex, he saw Kelly hanging a few mistletoes around her cubicle and around the doorway of the break room. He smiled, amazed by her persistence and headed to his desk. He stood at his desk when he noticed a card on his keyboard. He smiled, recognizing the penmanship. _Toby _He opened it rapidly and read:

_Merry Christmas!_

_Here's to surviving until 5pm!_

_See you at the party later._

_-Pam_

He smiled, tucking the card in his briefcase, knowing he'll put it on his mantel at home.

* * *

Pam saw Michael enter, afraid of what would occur next after he let a profanity slip on camera. She shook her head and tried to do some busy work before he realized she was doing nothing. As usual, he proceeded to call her names of food and she was relieved that Corporate gave them all robes this year so she didn't have to give a gift. "Can I help you, Michael?"

"Yes, I'm looking for the toy drive box."

"It's behind you." She looked at the old bicycle, seeing the worn tires and knew that the bike belonged to him. Before Michael could speak to her again, she lifted the bag and handed it to Michael. "Michael?"

"Yes? Oh Pam, that is so sweet. You didn't have to do that."

Pam smiled slightly, "I didn't. It's from Corporate."

"Did everyone get one of these?"

"Yup."

"Terrific. Good." He proceeded to walk into his office, leaving Pam was a smirk. She glanced over at Jim, looking at the gift that she'd given him for Christmas. She shook her head, knowing that she made it up for him over the months, thinking about sending it to him for his birthday or Christmas, but when she found out he was coming back, she figured she give it to him to share a laugh. She was going to call his name when Carol walked through the door.

* * *

Toby walked through the kitchen, noticing Pam staring at her desk. He smiled, wondering what she was thinking about when Kevin walked through the door, "Hey."

"Hiya, Kevin."

"So... what are you planning for the holidays?"

"I don't know..." He made a quick look at reception again, "Spend time with Sasha, maybe some friends. You?"

Kevin shrugged, "Me and Stacey are supposed to going to her parents house. I'm not really into it though."

Toby looked confused, "Why?"

Kevin scoffed, "You know, her parents are all on my ass about getting married to their daughter and everything." He shrugged, "I just want to be in a good place with the band and everything, you know?"

Toby nodded, "Yeah... sure. Well... see ya at the party, man."

Kevin smiled, "Totally."

As Kevin left the kitchen, Toby made one final glance at reception when he noticed Pam looking his way. As he saw her lips curl into a small smile, he could feel his neck redden with joy.

* * *

Pam tried to keep her attention to her faxes, but she couldn't help but look at her boss laying on the ground next her desk. "Oh, it hurts."

Pam looked down sympathetically, "I know." She really didn't know what to say to him, but she knew what rejection felt like.

"It hurts her heart. It hurts my stomach. It hurts my arms."

"Okay... well,why are you laying like that."

Michael moved and proceeded to tell her things she would have lived without knowing. "I don't have to know." She tried to walk away, running into Angela. "Hey Angela."

"Are you prepared for the Christmas party meeting?"

"Yeah, I mean I got some lights in my car -

"Humph. Well.. I suppose they might do. See in ten minutes." She continued to walk into the conference room, leaving Pam glancing at the camera in a pleading stare.

* * *

Toby watched as Dwight took his robe that he got for Christmas from Corporate, resenting Michael even more than usual, knowing that he was responsible somehow. He shook his head, and headed into the kitchen. He watched as the ladies congregated into the conference room when he noticed Jim walking toward the door. He tried to turn around but Jim called his name, "Hey, Toby."

"Hey man. What's up?"

"Oh. I'm good." He chuckled, "It's just weird. We haven't really talked since I got back." He grabbed a mug form the cabinet, "So... how's Sasha? I bet she's really excited about Christmas coming up, right?"

Toby smiled, looking at the young man in front of him. In all the drama he had with Pam, he had forgotten that there was another person that this was all affecting. He nodded, "Oh yeah, she's stoked. She's supposed to come over this weekend and she'll be around Christmas Eve."

Jim chuckled, "Nice." He turned toward the door, "So... I'll see ya out there, buddy."

"Okay. Talk to ya later."

Jim nodded, "See ya." He stopped short at the door, "Oh, and tell Sasha I said hi."

Toby smiled, "Yeah, sure thing."

As Jim walked back to his desk, Toby looked at Pam in the conference room. He smiled at bit, knowing that this day should be filled with more pleasant surprises.

* * *

Pam wasn't the 'cold type'. She knew she wasn't. She had always made an effort at trying to be decent and courteous to everyone, even her boss. But as she looked across the table, seeing Karen as she radiated under the fluorescent lights, a small part of her wanted to scream. Sure, she could handle some healthy competition, but when she remotely tried to compare herself with the stunning beauty Karen possessed, it was a joke. She was gorgeous, from her perfect cheekbones and her athletic build to her curiously twinkling eyes. It made Pam's stomach turn over, knowing that if she was a guy, she'd fall for Karen. So as the meeting for the Christmas Party continued, she wasn't as forthcoming with suggestions as she would have been.

She felt a small flip in her stomach as Karen suggested the different activities that her branch, only further proving what a decent person she was and only making Pam not want to hate her. She didn't like the way she seemed to criticize Karen in her mind, critique every motive and suggestion and knew that it would only be a matter of time until Karen would catch on. But there was still that part of her that could see why Jim was drawn to her and could feel the pull occur during the meeting. For a brief moment, she wanted to scheme with her as she had done countless times with the object of her affection, knowing that he was Karen's as well. It was obvious that they could fall for the same guy, she only wished that she could have something remotely similar to what she once had with Jim.

Her thoughts eventually crossed to Toby, knowing that in the past few weeks they had reestablished an unspoken code, one where she felt she had found a confident in the office again, something she had lacked since before Jim left. She found herself not dwelling on Jim and Karen as much as she once had, realizing that the small moments in the day were surrounded by the soft smiles and the hushed whispers supplied by the timid HR rep. She felt another flip in her stomach, but she knew that Karen had no cause for it.

As the meeting was called to a screeching halt, due to a heated argument between Phyllis and Angela, mostly Angela and the throwing out of Karen, Pam watched from reception, fighting with herself to either stay or try to make amends with Karen. Having her conscience win over, she strolled past Jim and approached Karen. She saw the slight shock wash over her face, feeling slightly relieved that she had some effect on her. Without her intentionally doing so, she was able have a breezy conversation with Karen, enjoying that her social skills weren't completely effected by her years under the watchful eye of Michael Scott. Before she knew it, she actually liked talking to Karen and a Christmas scheme was already brewing, in part to get back at Angela and some good bonding. She laughed off the notion that Toby would be proud of the conflict resolution skills.

* * *

Toby noticed Pam and Karen whispering and chuckling in the kitchen, when Kelly came around the partition. "I would kill for the hair."

Toby turned around, smirking. "What was that?"

"Oh c'mon, look at her hair. It would take me forever to get my hair to shine like that. It's perfect." She scoffed. "It's like she doesn't even have to try hard."

Toby glanced at the two women in the break room, seeing Karen with her easy smile. He admitted that she was exceptionally pretty, but her beauty was far more obvious than the gentle grace her counterpart held. He took a moment to appraise Pam, finding that the gleam of her hair shone more brightly than the darker haired one, making her golden locks more profound. He couldn't understand how anyone could ever wish her harm, ever want to have anything less than that in their life and knew that his small crush had eluded into unfamiliar territory. For months, Pam had been the one bright spot in his life, from her small quips about Michael during meetings or the few but always present touches she gave him like a gentle touch on the arm or a simple nudge after a joke, she seemed to make life at Dunder Mifflin tolerable. And even if their courtship only resulted into a friendship, he knew that he would die a happier man having her in his life than not having her at all.

Kelly scoffed again next to him. "Where do you think she gets her hair done?" When she received silence from Toby she rolled her eyes. "Where's Ryan?"

After Kelly left the annex, Karen walked out the office, heading toward Toby. "Hey... um... Toby, right?"

"Yeah. How's it going?"

Karen chuckled. "It's getting better. Pam's helped a lot, you know, with Angela being Queen B of party-planning, me and Pam were going to throw our own."

Toby nodded. "You do have your own funding, right?"

"Oh yeah, whatever. We're mainly doing it to piss her off." She rolled her eyes, "She actually threw me out of the meeting."

Toby smirked. "You too?"

"She threw you out once?"

"No, but she really got made at me a few minutes ago. Like she slapped me." He rubbed his cheek, remembering the brief altercation that occurred several moments before Kelly appeared.

"Oh my God. Can she do that?"

"She kinda did." Toby shrugged, "I tend to stay out of the party planning aspect."

Karen shook her head, "I'm sorry we got you slapped." She chuckled, "I guess every war has its casualties."

"Thanks." He smirked when Karen smiled at the sarcasm. "Well, just try to keep it from getting out of control."

Karen shrugged, "I can't say that I can, Toby. I'm willing to go as far as I can with this. She has to be stopped." She chuckled some more.

"Well, I admire you spunk."

"Spunk? Geez, Toby. I thought you guys here in Scranton were exposed to better television than My Three Sons."

"Ouch." They both chuckled when Pam came up behind Karen.

"Hey, guys." She passed Karen a note, and smiled at Toby, "Oh, did you hear? We're making a way more fun party in the break room at 2:45. You should come?"

Karen nodded, "Definitely. Toby's cool." She nudged Pam playfully, heading toward the kitchen, "I'll be right back."

As Karen left, Toby looked at Pam. "Hey."

"Hey."

"So... you two friends now?"

Pam shrugged, "I don't know. I mean... she's really nice and funny and everything." She held a small smile, but Toby saw something less joyful behind her eyes. "It's the least I can do, you know. Try to get everybody together." She smirked. "It's Christmastime, after all."

Toby wanted to tell her she didn't have to be the nice girl, that she could be a little spiteful, but he knew that wasn't in her nature and a small part of him liked that she was trying. "So, I'll see you later at the party?"

Toby watched her brilliant smile return, "Of course."

"We're trying to get a karaoke machine, so you know I have to hear that lovely singing voice of yours." She giggled, stirring up a swarm of butterflies in the pit of his stomach. "See ya later, Toby."

"See ya." He watched her decorate the break room again, trying to imagine if she gave the same effort as she did the vending machines as she did the windows in her apartment. He tried not to dwell on aspects of her life he knew he might never be a part of, but focused on the party that was approaching in a couple of hours. Looking at the card she gave him that morning, he knew he had to do something equally as thoughtful.

* * *

As the party in the break room seemed to get going, Pam noticed the smiles that everyone shared. She made a quick glance around the room, seeing Kelly and Ryan laugh and Stanley enjoying the liquor while Meredith seemed to have started her drinking long before lunch. She glanced over at Roy, finding him watching her from afar and smiling despite herself. She couldn't help but be effected by the sheer joy that everyone held, feeling a sense of pride. Karen and her shared a small smile, knowing that she couldn't deny the fun she had with her that day.

She made her way over to the chip bowl when she noticed Dwight, Michael, Andy and Jim with two other Asian girls coming through the door. She felt her neck redden slightly as Jim deposited his jacket on his chair and headed back to the break room. Pam panicked slightly, wanting to hide, but as he came closer, she found a smile on his face. "Hey Beesly."

"Hey." She felt herself instantly blush as he called her his given nickname, realizing how much better her last name sounded on his lips. She took a sip of her drink, avoiding to have anything to say, afraid it would be a feeble squeak.

"Wow... so this is where the party is, huh?"

Pam nodded. "Oh yeah. Party central." She inwardly mocked herself, hating how awkward everything was with them.

"Nice work. I see your skills of deception are still intact." He froze slightly, "I mean -"

"No... yeah, I mean, me and Karen make a pretty good team." She looked over at Karen, joking around with Darryl. "She's really nice."

Jim looked over in the same direction, nodding. "Yeah she is." He looked down at Pam again, only this time, something darker lurked behind his eyes. "Got any big Christmas plans?"

She shrugged, "Um... probably gonna go see my Mom and my sisters. You know, the usual."

"Nice. Tell your Mom I said hi." He nodded, but she noticed that he was taken aback by his boldness.

"Yeah, definitely." She was gonna ask what he planned when Karen came up behind her, wrapping her arm around Jim.

"Hey you. When'd you get here?" She smiled at both Pam and Jim, oblivious to the tension that seemed to stir it in the air. "We better get you started on some drinks. Meredith's already ahead of you." She took his hand, pulling him toward the punch bowl.

Jim looked back briefly at Pam before allowing Karen to drag him across the room. "Trust me, no one's gonna catch up with her."

Pam watched them joke around, feeling that familiar pang in her chest again, one that was the norm these days in their presence. She had done her best throughout the day to rid herself of the constant pain occurring, knowing that it was pointless. She turned around to leave the scene when she bumped into Toby. "Sorry." She felt herself shake slightly, realizing how effected she was by Jim and Karen.

Toby noticed how unsettled Pam was, taking her by the arm, "You okay?"

Pam shook her head, "I'm fine. I guess I had a few too many fruity drinks Kelly made." She chuckled. "I should now better than to trust anything that Kelly made."

Toby nodded, "You sure you're okay?"

Pam started to walk through the door, "Yeah, I'm fine." She heard Karen say something about the raffle drawing as she headed to the women's bathroom.

She splashed some water over her face, trying to breathe through her nose and blinked at her reflection. She remembered her confident smile earlier that morning, thinking that she could actually get through this day without wanting to curl into a ball in a vacant stall and cry her eyes out. She wanted so much to not think about Jim and Karen, trying to be happy for him that he found someone to make him happy, but she still believed that person could only be her. She shook her head, finding it silly that of all days, Christmas was a time for miracles to happen, knowing that her life wasn't some TV sitcom. She made one final check in the mirror, seeing she was safe to return to the party. As she left, she saw Karen who motioned for her to follow her. "Hey. Where'd you disappear to?"

Pam shook her head, "Nowhere. Just needed a breather."

"You okay?" Pam was taken aback by the general concern that washed over Karen's face. Little did she know that her only concern involved the very person in front of her.

"I'm fine." She looked down at the gift in Karen's hand, "Who won the raffle?"

Karen chuckled. "That's why I was looking for you. Dwight won! I'm kinda happy since I figured he'd be the only person who'd be interested in walkie-talkies." She smiled. "C'mon, we better give this to him. I think he's at Angela's party."

Pam followed close behind when she saw the stricken look on Angela's face. If ever there was a moment when her and Angela seemed to be on the same wavelength, now was that time. She couldn't help but feel the same disappointment Angela wore on her face about her day. She had such high hopes about everything. She wanted to try to make amends with Jim, doing what they did best and scheme to destroy Dwight like old times but all she had was an unwrapped gift, an unexpected friend and a heavy heart. Seeing Dwight happy only made her sadder. "Hey... um... could I talk to you a second?"

* * *

Toby watched as Pam and Karen helped Angela bring the party decorations out into the office. He smiled as he saw Pam seem to brighten up more after their run-in in the annex. He watched as Jim and Ryan set up the karaoke machine, taking a seat on Phyllis' desk. "Hey Phyll."

"Hey Toby. Having a nice time?"

"Yeah, who woulda thought, huh?"

Phyllis nodded, "I know. I guess we owe it to Pam and Karen. They really saved the day."

Toby nodded as Kelly took the mic and serenaded Ryan. He smiled as Pam went over to reception, finding a shot to talk to her again. "Hey."

Pam looked up, seemingly relieved it was him. "Hey yourself. Enjoying the merged party? It was my idea."

Toby smirked, "Oh yeah. It's great."

"Thanks." She turned the phone back on to voicemail, smiling up at Toby again, "I'm glad you're having a good time." She shrugged, "It hasn't been the best party, but I'm getting through it."

Toby looked down at her porcelain complexion, seeing her sad eyes and fighting the urge not to wrap his arms around her and protect her from all the pains life seemed to dish out. He put his hands in his pockets, shrugging, "It's the holidays. We're all trying to get through them." He glanced over at Michael and Andy at their rendition of "Your Body is a Wonderland". "Some of us have to get completely drunk, but to each his own."

Pam chuckled, "Yeah, right."

Toby tapped on her desk, sensing that her mind was far away from this office, but in truth, he knew it was only across the room. "I'll see you later?"

"Oh yeah." She waved as he walked back to the annex, still wondering if he could make her smile again.

* * *

As everyone seemed to filter out of the office, Pam noticed Jim leaving for the evening. She overheard him and Karen talking about heading to Poor Richard's with some of the others, so when she saw him leave, she knew that he would be heading to her. "Merry Christmas."

Jim stopped at her desk, and for a moment, she thought she saw him look at her the way he used to. "Merry Christmas, Beesly." He smiled, walking toward the door again.

Pam watched him go and a small part of her knew that she couldn't ask for more from him. He acknowledged her existence, not ignoring her and she knew that was the best she could hope for. She headed back to the kitchen when she saw Toby in the back, putting his coat on. She felt a wash of relief flood her body as she opened the door. "Hey."

Toby turned around, smiling, "Hey. I thought you were gone."

"Nah. I just...um... finishing some final forms before the holiday." She rolled her eyes, "And I'm pretty sure Michael took his vacation so he can't do inventory."

"Obviously." They both chuckled as they walked toward the door of the kitchen. Toby couldn't help but see the ever-present mistletoes Kelly had hung up earlier that day. He knew that he wouldn't have another chance to be bold probably ever in his life as he saw Pam's gold ringlets bounce behind her as she passed underneath the largest one. "Um... Pam?"

Pam stopped, turning. "Yeah?"

Toby stammered, "I... uh..." Without thinking, he dove in, planting a small peck on her lips. He pulled away, finding Pam's eyes closed. "Merry Christmas, Pam."

Pam blinked, "Um..."

Horror instantly registered in Toby's mind. "I'm sorry." He shook his head, "I don't know what I was thinking. I just saw the mistletoe and I... I completely violated you... and I'm the HR rep. I can't believe I -"

"Toby!" Pam took a hold of his hand. "It's okay." She chuckled, "The truth is... that's the best thing that's happened all day." She leaned forward, giving him a kiss on the cheek. "Merry Christmas, Toby." With that, she turned around heading toward the door.

As Toby stayed under the mistletoe, he couldn't help but want to take the thing done and give it a hug. He chuckled, "I owe Kelly big time."

* * *

_And that's it for now. I'm sorry it took me another huge stretch to get this chapter out. I left town, have school and a hundred other things happen during my hiatus. If you still find interest in this story, please leave a review! Again, thanks so much for those who have stuck in there with me. I promise there is an end, and it's good too! The next chapter is more POBY goodness, so be on the lookout!_


	7. Death of a Salesman

_**Disclaimer: I don't own the Office. I own many POBY icons... many of them. Kinda a problem I have.**_

_A/N: Again, thank you so much for still taking interest in this little story of mine. I know I probably lost some readership over the months, but I will finish this story! If you're enjoying what you're reading, please let me know. It's much appreciated. As always, read, review and enjoy!_

* * *

**January 17, 2007**

**8:45 am**

Pam was standing at the coffee machine, waiting for the final drop to hit the pot. She playfully drummed her fingers on the counter, feeling slightly upbeat. She had gotten up earlier that morning, actually doing some sketches she had been meaning to get done for class, causing her mood dramatically. She couldn't help but feel the urge to sketch more often in the past few weeks than she had in the past few months. She sighed from relief as she poured the fresh coffee and headed back to her desk. As she sat behind her desk, she noticed a few others enter the office, including Angela.

She was cleaning off her desk when she noticed Angela was standing in front of her desk. "Um... Pam?"

"Hey Angela. What's up?"

Angela rolled her eyes. "I'm not here for niceties." She shifted her eyes, looking to see if anyone could overhear them. "Have you seen Dwight this morning?"

Pam smirked slightly, finding Angela conspicuous attitude amusing to behold. "Sorry, I haven't seen him."

Angela nodded. "Well... when you do, please let me know." She gave Pam another curt nod and walked back to her desk.

As Pam watched Angela walk away, Jim came through the door, followed by Karen. Karen gave her a smile and a wave before nudging Jim and walking to her desk. Pam waved and looked to see Jim giving her a smile. "Morning, Beesly."

"Hey." She tried to give him a smile, but only a meek smirk appeared.

She noticed him fidget with his messenger bag, standing there before he took his seat. "So... um.. how was your weekend?"

"It was good, you know. Got some extra sketches done."

"That's awesome. Nice one." He stood there awkwardly for a moment later. "Well... see you later?"

"I'll be right here." She let escape a soft chuckle, seeing him relax slightly.

"Right. Later." As he took his seat, she noticed him shake his head, finding it endearing as well as a relief. She liked being reminded that he felt the tension that still remained between them, even though she knew she was the cause of much of it. She began to dwell on how much the tension seemed to effect her the most and her minor breakdown in the hallway with Dwight when Toby walked through the door. She felt a smile tug on the corners of her mouth seeing him walk up to her.

"Hey Pam." He gave her a gentle smile, pulling a message from his bin.

"Hey." She chuckled as she watched him fidget with his sheet, finding the gesture just as endearing as Jim's. "How was your weekend?"

"Oh, it was good. I had Sasha this weekend, so... that was cool."

"Nice." She smiled again as she saw Toby nodded. "See ya later?"

"Yeah. See ya." As he made his way toward the annex, she noticed a certain salesman eavesdropping. She didn't know why, but knowing that she and Toby were friends made her feel slightly better.

Toby walked through the kitchen, noticing Michael at his desk. He didn't want to know why he was there, and for a split second, he thought about ducking into the men's bathroom to hide, but he pressed on, finding Michael nod at his appearance. "Flenderson."

"Michael... um... what's up?"

Michael rolled his eyes, "Look, I really don't want to talk to you."

"Than why are you here?"

Michael sighed exasperatedly, "Listen, tell me all you know about Andrew Bernard."

Toby was taking aback by the question, "Uh... he transferred here from Stamford. He's director of sales, I think. Uh... he went to Cornell."

Michael shook his head. "I know that already, dumbass. I mean something that only HR reps would know." He folded his arms expectantly.

"You know I can't tell you that, Michael. That's something you have to ask him yourself."

Michael nodded. "Really. I see what this is. Be like that. That's cool." He headed toward the door.

Toby sighed, "Why are you asking this?"

Michael turned around, taken aback slightly. "Um... I don't know. He's always asking to hang out. If you could help me find some cool activity we could do together after work, I might reconsider that your not a complete waste of space." He shrugged. "But as usual, you've proved to be worthless." He headed for the door again, pausing briefly. "But if you hear anything, let me know."

Toby nodded, "Yeah, sure."

Michael rolled his eyes. "Whatever." He made his way through the kitchen, when Toby noticed Pam looking his way. He waved slightly, finding a small smile on her face. He went back to his desk, finding a smile on his own, taking him back a few nights ago when his smile seemed to brighten her face.

* * *

_Toby found a chance to sneak away from the inventory "party" a little after nine when he saw Pam walking out of the warehouse. He stopped when he saw her walk toward her car, holding a melancholy expression. He was weary of seeing how she felt but was surprised when she was making her way toward him. "Hey Toby."_

"_Hey." He kicked some snow that was piled on the back wheel of his car, trying not to look at her in fear he might want to hold her. "Some party, huh?"_

"_Oh yeah. Way fun." She scoffed slightly, rolling her eyes. There was a small pause when Pam looked up at Toby, a small rim of tears around her eyes. "Do you think I'm too nice?"_

_Toby chuckled nervously. "I don't understand the question."_

"_You know, I mean..." She leaned on his trunk, crossing her legs at the ankle. "I try to help everyone... even if I don't want to, but there is something in me that doesn't want to at times. But I do it anyway! And it's so infuriating." She scoffed again. "And than I want to beat myself up, hating that I'm so friggin' nice." She chuckled softly. "When I was in high school, I thought it was so easy to be mean. All the mean, preppy girls making fun seemed so simple, you know. And here I am, twenty-eight years old and I still can't seem to find a backbone." At this point, she was shaking from the tears rolling down her cheeks and the cold. Without thinking, Toby wrapped his arms around Pam, stroking her curls, trying to stop her shakes. _

_Pam seemed to stiffen slightly, aware that they hadn't made contact since their Christmas kiss. But after a few moments, she seemed to breathe more steady under his embrace. Toby sighed in relief, feeling her pull away slightly. He saw her hopeful glance again, finding himself brought back months ago to a time before Jim Halpert and Karen Flipelli seemed to plague her dreams, when it was Pam and him. "I don't know about you, but I think you have a backbone." He blushed slightly, "I can't think of anyone who seems to stand up to Michael the way you do."_

_Pam chuckled. "Please... I'm just doing my job."_

"_That's what they all say." He was elated when she didn't pull away, but leaned into his embrace more, chuckling._

"_You're an incredibly nice guy, Toby."_

_He shrugged. "I guess we're both just two nice people." He leaned his chin on the top of her head, smiling in the faint scent of her. "I don't think it's such a bad thing."_

_Pam looked up again, giving him a peck on the cheek. "Neither do I." _

_Toby wasn't exactly sure where they stood as far as friends or more. He had prepared himself all weekend for the conversation knowing it would be coming. He wasn't looking forward to it, mainly because he liked to think in the back of his mind he could be something more to Pam than just her 'office pal'. But to have something official began to look more and more appealing. He sighed miserably. "I got it bad."_

* * *

**10:20 am**

Pam watched the repartee between Angela and Dwight and found herself envious of the bond they shared. Even though they seemed to be the two most far-removed people from affection or love in general, they seemed to mash well. Regardless of their morals, they seemed to deeply care for one another, which only made her love life that more pathetic. She glanced over at Karen and Jim in the conference room, and she couldn't help but feel this scene of loneliness, one that plagued her more often than not throughout the day. She watched as all the salesmen walked out of the office, getting a small wave from Karen again and a smile from Jim, trying her best to return the favor.

As the day progressed, she was able to breathe a little easier without having to put on a brave face. She noticed Angela smiling more than usual and couldn't help but feel a slight pang of jealousy. Without warning, Angela walked to her desk, "Pam... I was wondering if you like to get some coffee, get some fresh air."

Pam was taken aback, "Oh, sure." She grabbed her notepad, "I'll go ask everybody if they want anything."

"Okay. I'll meet you in a few minutes." She watched Angela with a slight bounce in her steps, finding the pang lessen, replaced with a more pleased feeling.

She walked to the annex toward Toby, clearing her throat. "Hey."

Toby's smile brought her back to their small moment before the weekend. She didn't realize how much his embrace helped her and for a split second she wished his arms were around her again. "Um... me and Angela are gonna go on a coffee run. Do you want anything?"

"You and Angela... really?"

Pam chuckled. "Yeah, I know. Weird." She shrugged. "So, you want the usual?"

Toby shook his head, "No, I think I might try that chai latte you're always raving about."

"I'm getting that too!" She blushed slightly, "Okay... one chai latte coming up. You won't be disappointed."

"I'm sure." She chuckled as she waved and headed back to the office as she saw Angela putting her coat on. With a wide smile from her, they both left the office.

* * *

**11:32 am**

As they headed back, she found herself still with Toby in the annex, wondering where they stood. She knew that their moment on Friday was a little more than a friendly embrace, especially during her drive home and thinking about him the whole weekend. Most of the sketches she made were of his hands, bringing her back to the human contact she lacked so much in her tiny apartment that seemed to stretch for eternity in her mind. She was fearful that something might have already started, bringing her back to the early days of her relationship with Jim while she was with Roy. She had always known that there was something different with Jim than there was with other guy friends she had in the past. But for the most part, she never really let herself open up with anyone like she had with Jim, not even Roy. There was something between them that she missed so much, even if she couldn't be with him, she missed the way they could talk for hours on the phone or how he would understand her like no one else. She missed the friendship more than anything these days, finding she longed that more than anything physically intimate with him.

Pam headed toward the annex with her and Toby's drinks when she saw Kelly. "Hey Kelly."

"Hey Pam." Kelly noticed the other cup, eying Pam suspiciously. "Who's the other one for?"

Pam blushed unintentionally. "Um... for Toby. Me and Angela went for a coffee run."

"That's cool." She nodded. "So.. how's your day going?"

"Pretty good, actually." There was a small pause while Pam watched Kelly bounce slightly with anticipation. Pam rolled here eyes slightly. "How's yours?"

"Ohmigod! I'm so glad you asked. Okay, well remember I was telling you about that epic party one of Ryan's business school friends are having next Saturday?"

"Um... no."

"Well, anyway I found the most amazing dress in this canary yellow online. I mean, I thought I was gonna die from shock it was so awesome. I'm gonna look so hot." She giggled. "You should totally come on Saturday."

Pam smirked, "Oh, that sounds -"

"You can come and see Ryan's face when he sees me in this thing." She shook with glee. "He's gonna be so shocked."

Pam watched Toby turn in his chair, watching with curious eyes at the scene in the kitchen. Pam threw him a pleading glance while Kelly's head was down which could only be described as, 'If you don't get in here, you are off my Christmas card list!'

Toby read it loud and clear, swiftly walking into the kitchen. "Hey... um, Pam? I need your help with these... papers?"

Pam nodded. "Sure." She smiled at Kelly, walking through the door. "Oh, here's your coffee."

"Oh yeah, thanks." They both stayed quiet when they saw Kelly walk into the office, sighing with relief. Toby smirked. "Was she talking about her dress?"

"You too?"

"Yes, but unlike you, I didn't have someone to save me."

Pam mocked a dramatic sigh. "My hero." She chuckled when she saw the supremely red cheeks appearing on Toby's face. "Uh... how's the coffee?"

Toby recovered by taking a large gulp, recoiling hastily. "I spent four bucks on this?"

Pam nodded. "The best four dollars you'll spend all day."

Toby chuckled, knowing if four dollars allowed him to have a few quiet moments with her like this and be her rescuer from the satanic, trill squeals of his deskmate, they were truly well spent. "So how was Angela?"

Pam shrugged. "She was... nice." She chuckled. "I wasn't really sure how to deal with it, actually. I just tried to stay quiet, you know, not really sure if anything might set her off."

Toby chuckled. "Yeah, that sounds about right."

"Right." Pam looked down at her cup, "Sorry you didn't like the drink. I would offer you mine, but.."

Toby shook his head. "Oh, it's okay. I'll get another cup later." He smiled. "Thanks, anyway."

Pam shook her head. "You really should be open-minded to new things, Toby. Try new things."

Toby looked at Pam, watching her with a careful longing. How he wanted to be something new with her, something different than the quiet man he had always been. He wanted to be the bold type, who did what he felt and went with it, and as he glanced at her brilliant smile that seemed to outshine the sun, he thought again to himself that he could be that man, for her. "I will, I promise."

Pam nodded. "Good. Well, I'll see you later." She turned toward the door, pausing briefly to wave at him.

Toby sat back in his chair, wondering when the inevitable conversation would occur. He shrugged it off again, willing his anxious stomach to settle.

* * *

**12:12 pm**

Pam watched as Karen and Phyllis walked into the office, trying to stifle the giggle that she longed to escape. "Hey."

Phyllis smiled. "Hey Pam. Has Michael returned yet?"

Pam shook her head. "Um, no."

"Okay. Thanks." She headed to her desk when Pam noticed Karen hanging up her jacket.

"Hey." Pam offered a friendly smile. "How was the sale?"

Karen seemed standoffish, nodding. "Um... we got the sale. It's a big one, too."

Pam smiled again. "That's awesome." She chuckled. "So um... you and Phyllis -"

"I should get back to work." She smiled slightly, walking back to her desk without another word.

Pam was slightly taken aback by her distant manner, but shook it off. She figured Karen might be embarrassed and didn't want anyone rubbing it in. As she minimize her FreeCell, she answered the phone. "Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam."

"Hello, this is the art teacher, Mrs. Hoover at Francis Willard Elementary School. Is this Pam Beesly?"

Pam smiled brightly. "This is Pam."

Mrs. Hoover chuckled. "Great. Well, I would like to inform you that your watercolor was chosen by our sixth grade class in our annual contest. Congratulations!"

"I did?" Pam smiled again. "Thank you so much."

"Well, I have to say that painting was very good. You can pick up your prize money after school, well I mean after work, whatever works for you."

"Okay, I will. Thanks again."

Mrs. Hoover chuckled. "You're very welcome, Miss Beesly. Hope to see you soon and congratulations again."

Pam hung up the phone and instantly looked at Jim's desk. She hated that when anything good happened to her that she would still look and want to tell him about it. She sighed and noticed Toby was away from his desk. She looked around the office, making a beeline to the conference room to give an interview, hoping at least the camera guy and Steve, the interviewer would be excited for her.

* * *

**1:37 pm**

Toby had just left the break room when he looked across the office to see Pam, doing her mundane duties, but behind her auburn curls lied green eyes that shown more brilliant than in previous weeks. He wanted to think that he was the source of her glow, but he knew from past disappointments to never jump to conclusions. He was going over the past weeks complaints from Stanley about Michael when he heard the annex door open. He turned, expecting Pam when he saw Karen walk through the door. "Hey Toby."

Toby had to hold back the laugh that was caught in his throat, seeing Karen in the makeup. He could only give her a meager nod.

She rolled her eyes. "Don't ask." She took a seat next to him. "I just.. uh... I wanted to know the policy for interdepartmental relationships." She smirked. "Word on the street is I'm supposed to see you about it." She blushed slightly, if it were even possible for her cheeks to be any redder. "So..."

Toby stole a quick glance at reception, knowing it was his duty to file the contract but he felt the cold chill of sympathy. "Um, yeah. I need you and -"

"Jim." She chuckled slightly. "Jim Halpert and I are dating." She smiled a smile that seemed to be only reserved for triumphs and personal victories, one Toby knew all too well, reminding him of his ex-wife's face at the court proceedings.

He went through a binder, pulling out two copies of the contract. "Okay, well Jim has to fill out one as well. You can gave him a copy or he can -"

"I'll give it to him." She took both copies and stood up. "Thanks. I'm sure we have your full discretion."

"Oh yeah, definitely." He watched her leave, finding her assertiveness and attentive attitude intriguing, understanding Jim's draw towards her. But where Karen seemed too intense, Pam seemed to carry a quiet grace that transcended the beauty of the other. In other words, Karen wasn't his cup of tea.

Toby made another glance toward reception seeing Jim and Pam talking and sharing a high five. He looked genuinely happy about something, Pam radiating under a fluorescent halo. He was anxious to find out what had caused her such joy but knew he'd patiently wait. With Pam, it seemed to be a constant game of cat and mouse, one where he would be plagued to wait and hope she'd be ready or the other way around. But he knew that with her, it was worth the wait.

* * *

**3:56 pm**

Pam looked at Angela, seeing the utter shock and fright that lied on her face. Dwight had just quit. It was a dream that her and Jim shared for many years, but secretly, she knew that she would miss his presence like everything else in this office, it had its purpose. She could feel Angela shoot daggers at Dwight and Andy, not really sure what transpired but convinced she didn't want to be in the path of her crossfire. She wondered where Jim was with all this, but found her eyes landing on Toby's in the crowd. With all the excitement over the last couple of hours, she nearly forgot to tell him about her contest win.

She watched as Toby walked past Michael's office, when Michael worked inside and closed the door. He simply shrugged and went up to reception. "Hey."

"Hey." She smiled again. "That was weird."

Toby nodded. "Yeah. I didn't see that coming at all." He shook his head. "I guess I have some paper work to do. And call Corporate."

"That sucks." Pam looked down again sighing, "I guess that puts a damper on my good news." She looked up to find Toby's eyes smile. "Guess what?"

Toby drummed his fingers, trying to play coy. "What?"

Pam bit her lip. "I, uh, I won an art contest today."

Toby felt his throat constrict, seeing the utter joy beaming through her smile. He couldn't figure out what to do, should he give her a high five like Jim must have? Should he hug her or shake her hand? He could feel the tension build and he knew he had to do or say something so he blurted out. "That's amazing, Pam!" When he saw her smile brighten, he figured he made the right decision.

She giggled. "I know it's not a big deal, but it feels so awesome, you know?"

"It is a big deal." Toby smiled at her, feeling a wave of pride. "I'm really proud of you, Pam."

Pam looked up, chuckling. "I'm proud of me too." She laughed. "I know that's silly, it's just... it's nice to know that my work... my art is well... good."

Toby looked down at her and felt the same courage that he held weeks before under the mistletoe. He knew there wasn't one around, but he knew he had to make a move. "Hey... why don't we go out and celebrate?"

Pam blinked. "Oh...um..."

Toby immediately felt that panic again, like the mistletoe and stammered, "We don't have to. It was just a thought. Forget I asked." He started to turn around, heading for the annex. He went to his desk, not noticing Pam following him. But when he heard her clear her throat, he couldn't remember in recent memory the sheer happiness that ran through his body.

"You didn't let me tell you where I wanted to go first." She smirked, taking a seat next to him. "There's supposed to be this film festival in Dickson City. They're playing _Amelie. _It could be fun. We could blow my prize money and everything." She laughed. "Maybe I should ask Kelly how to spend it."

Toby chuckled. "Beware. She might get you a _totally awesome_ dress to match hers."

"Oh God. That would be interesting."

"Yeah." He watched as she stood up, heading toward the door. "So..."

"I have to go to the school to pick up the check, but we can meet up there if you want." She smirked slightly, biting her lip.

"Yeah, sounds good." He smirked again, finding they both found some unknown joke amusing. "So, I'll see you later than."

"Of course." She turned, seeing Jim and Karen walk through the door. She smiled at Karen, but she seemed to avoid her eyes. She looked at Jim, only getting the same result. She shook her head, figuring that they might have had an argument and sat behind her desk, anxiously waiting for her evening to start.

* * *

**9:03 pm**

Pam and Toby walked out of the theater, seemingly pleased with the film. Pam giggled. "I loved Mr. Dufayel. He was so kind to Amelie."

Toby nodded. "Oh yeah. But I have to admit, it was nice to see her finally get something she deserved after all the good things she did for other people."

Pam chuckled. "Definitely. Nino was a cutie." She blushed when she saw Toby shake his head. "Hey, you're not too bad, yourself." She chuckled some more, taking Toby's hand. She didn't feel like it was crossing any boundaries, it just seemed right.

Toby looked down at their hands, letting his fingers intertwine with hers. "You hungry?"

Pam rubbed her stomach, "So hungry..." She giggled again, feeling really good for the first time in weeks. She tried to remember the last time she felt this comfortable, realizing it was when she and Toby had had their first date so many months ago. She leaned into him slightly, walking down the quiet street of downtown Dickson City. She had always liked going to the theater there over the past few years when it went under new management. The owner wanted to bring some culture to the area, holding past festivals like the Alaskan Film festival a couple of years ago. Sharing it with Toby made her feel better than she had about a lot of things recently.

Toby motioned down the street. "I think there's a diner a few blocks away."

"Sounds great." They continued to walk when it started to snow. Pam looked up at the sky, finding the small flakes drown her past few months of confusion, leaving her only with the ever-present hand she held in her own. She turned to Toby, who seemed to stop and watched her. She smiled. "I love snow."

Toby chuckled into the night air, seeing his breath cloud around them. Smirking, he sticked his tongue out, catching a few snowflakes. He nodded. "January snow is always the best."

Pam snorted. "There's a difference?"

Toby nodded, giving her a mock serious expression. "Of course. You see, Pam, the new year brings new snow. And it's fresher than the snow you get in December."

Pam giggled. "That's ridiculous."

Toby smiled. "It's a proven fact. Just ask Lucy, from the Peanuts gang." He winked at her, taking her hand again.

Pam shook her head. "I think you're reading far into those cartoons. What does Sasha think?"

Toby stiffened slightly, never really discussing Sasha. "Um... she thinks all snow taste good." They both chuckled as they walked up to the small diner on the corner.

As Toby opened the door for her, Pam looked back, smiling softly. "This was really fun."

Toby chuckled. "It isn't over with, I hope."

"No way. I still have to get some Rocky Road ice cream." She walked toward the back, finding a small booth. As they slid in, Toby watched Pam across from him, hoping that more moments like catching snowflakes in the night and watching romantic foreign films would be the norm for them. He wanted to make plans with her. He wanted to see her all the time. He wanted to be the person she came to. He wanted her to know he was there. He wanted to be more to her. But he stayed quiet. He watched her order her ice cream, leaving a smile on his face. Whatever it was that she wanted, he would accept it, if only to see her smile.

Pam budded her head. "You gonna eat your ice cream?"

Toby nodded. "Yeah." He took a spoonful. "Hmm... this is really good."

Pam chuckled. "I know. Is it silly that I wanted ice cream in the dead of winter?"

Toby shrugged. "Ice cream's good no matter what month it is." He took another taste of his ice cream when he felt Pam's hand in his.

"Thanks for today." She squeezed his hand slightly, taking it back as she finished the last of her bowl.

Toby watched her again, knowing the wait will be just as good as the end result. "Anytime." As they locked eyes again, he turned toward the window, seeing the snow fall harder.

* * *

_And that's it for now. I want to have another chapter up sooner. Only time will tell. Thanks again for your readership and it helps me so much when you all review! _


	8. Saucy Franklin

_**Disclaimer: I don't own The Office. I own this story, though... sort of.**_

_A/N: I'm so pleased that people are still interested in this story. So, those unsung heroes who haven't reviewed in a while or ever... do so! I'd love to hear what you think about it. Your ideas, thoughts, feelings, even if you're not into the ship, I'd love to hear what you have say. I took a few liberties with this chapter__**;**__ seeing as__it's__AU, I figured I could get away with it. LOL. Also, I want to give a big thanks to BasementOfTheMansion for her awesome beta. She totally rocked the house! Thanks, kiddo. Without further ado, chapter eight..._

* * *

**February 1, 2007**

**9:57 am**

_Pam and Toby. Toby and Pam. _Pam bounced the idea in her head as she stapled the last of the contracts for a big sale Michael landed. Pam and Toby. She smiled despite herself, finding her thoughts traveling through the past weeks, the bond that seemed to grow stronger and the constant reminder that he was good for her. She looked across the room, only fifteen feet away from Jim, her other reminder of what she thought was good for her. For the briefest of moments, she thought she felt the same spark she ignored for all those years, the slight twinkle when he looked at her. For a moment, she thought they could be as one again. But as soon as it came, it was gone. So she avoided looking at him and Karen. She avoided the stares that Karen would give either her and Jim throughout the day, only further advancing her belief that she knew of their past. When the realization hit that she knew, she was scared of a confrontation, but more hurt by the betrayal. She had always believed that her and Jim's relationship was their business, and she hadn't even shared it with Toby. However, she realized that Jim must have actual feelings and trust with Karen if he would confide in her like that.

So there it was. It wasn't just a distraction, even though she felt that way in the beginning. It was completely clear that they were getting serious. It ate her up alive at night to know he moved on so quickly, but she had to confess she left him with no choice. She felt she had some ownership over him, and a teasing twelve year old version of herself screamed through her ears, _He was mine first_! But what right did she have? In the grand scheme of things, they were only friends. She sighed. If she was lucky, she could have that again. Toby and Pam. She thought about it again, letting the brief moments of intimacy consume her mind. She knew there were feelings, attractions in the way he looked at her and made her feel desired. When he held her hand, she knew she was in good company. When they could discuss books or films and not feel like she was overwhelming him with her knowledge, she felt good about herself. And there were instances where she wanted him to be close to her, feel his heartbeat just to know she wasn't alone, that she wasn't the only one who could feel anything, she felt safe. _Pam and Toby_... It wasn't bad at all.

* * *

**11:30 am**

Toby was at the bookstore with Oscar, finding time earlier to sneak away from bachelor party festivities, especially when Michael clearly indicated that only men were invited, counting Toby as a non-man and Oscar because he didn't want to expose him to 'boobies**.'** So Oscar asked if they could get a coffee and catch up. They had an awkward moment in the beginning of the week, but soon were able to talk again. The awkwardness was mostly brought on by the fact that Oscar had came out to Toby first. But as they skimmed the shelves, they were able to find their rhythm again. Toby was looking over a copy of _A Tale of Two Cities _when Oscar came up. "Hey. Uh... me and Gil were in this, like, club for a little while when we were abroad."

Toby continued to look over the book in his hands. "Like what?"

Oscar shrugged. "Oh, you know, like a literary club. We joined it in London through a friend of Gil's from college. And there's, like, different chapters all over Europe. As long as you're a member, you could participate. It was amazing."

Toby nodded. "Yeah. That's cool." He smiled sincerely. "So... What you talk about?"

"Oh, everything really. Not just about books, but art and politics. Intellectualizing, pretty much." Oscar smiled sheepishly. "I was kinda thinking of starting a chapter here, you know, at Dunder Mifflin."

"Really?" Toby looked at very-nearly-always-cynical accountant and found behind his eyes a shred of hope he thought was long since destroyed by Michael. "Okay... But who'd wanna join?"

"Well... You and me, of course. Maybe... um..." He bit his lip, "Angela -"

"No." This followed with a firm head shake from Toby.

Oscar chuckled. "Okay. Um... maybe Pam. God knows she needs more culture in her life. She has the potential to be a decent illustrator, but she just needs more exposure."

Toby silently seethed at Oscar's comment. "Pam would be great. She knows a lot about art and movies and books. Her favorite book is _Les Miserable_."

Oscar nodded. "Great. Well, that's three. Maybe we can invite Karen. I met her at the party. She seems pretty sane and smart. Really pretty, too. I think she's dating Jim."

Toby shook his head. "No, I think it's fine with just the three of us." He picked a copy of _The Graduate_, skimming the back cover.

Oscar shrugged. "I suppose. I just thought that it would be good to have two men, two women -"

Toby shook his head. "I really don't think so."

Oscar looked curious. "Is there something I'm missing here?"

Toby looked at Oscar, knowing that if he let slip the nature of Pam and Karen's relationship, it would only give away his silent protection of Pam and their relationship. "It's just that... with three people, we fall under the umbrella of a smaller authority than if we have four or more." He knew he was pulling stuff out of his ass, but he was up against a wall. "With four people, we would be in competition with the Party-Planning Committee, which Pam is a member of."

Oscar rolled his eyes. "Office politics. They're just as bad as real politics."

Toby chuckled. "They are the real politics. All the government stuff is mostly for show. The ones we have to go through is the stuff that really sucks."

Oscar nodded. "You go that right."

Toby walked over to the cashier. "So... What do we call it?"

Oscar smiled again. "Well, they call it all different names. In London, it's called 'The Gathering'. In Paris, it's called 'Le club plus Bon de Choses' and in Berlin, it's called 'Die feinere Sache-Verein.'"

Toby nodded. "Cool. So... what do _we_ call it?"

Oscar shrugged. "Well, the English translation for the French and German is "The Finer Things Club".

Toby smirked. "I like it. It's simple." He noticed a bookmark with tiny coffee cups all over it with a small chrome teacup on the tassel. He grabbed it immediately, thinking it would be perfect for Pam.

On the way back to the office, Oscar was talking about all the cool things they could do from book sessions to poetry to music to food. He had always secretly wanted to be in a book club, even resorting in listening in on his ex-wife's book club sessions from the stairwell. He sighed, feeling sort of glum that his life was so dull that the few things that seemed remotely interesting were very mundane to other people. But when they entered the office again, he saw Pam sitting behind her desk. She shined like a beacon of hope, telling him just to hold a little longer, that his life wasn't a black hole and that even if the book club would be in the confines of this hellish place, another excuse to be with Pam was reason enough to deal with it.

* * *

**12:23 pm**

Pam noticed Toby walking through the door, but saw Angela glare at him and Oscar as they went toward the kitchen. "You're both supposed to be downstairs."

Toby looked around the office, only seeing his female colleagues. "Uh... Michael didn't want us down there."

Angela crossed her arms. "Well, I don't want you up here either. Ladies only."

Oscar nodded. "Fine by me. I'm going home. I have to do some grocery shopping anyway." He went to his desk, taking his briefcase and walking out the door. He stopped at Pam's desk. "Hey, um... There was something I wanted to talk to you about. But you can just ask Toby. He knows about it, too." He waved. "See you tomorrow."

Pam looked puzzled. "Okay. 'Bye." She looked over at Toby, who gave her a slight shrug.

"I'm going to get some work done. I promise I won't impede on your little party." He looked at Phyllis' direction. "I didn't mean to intrude."

Phyllis waved him off. "It's fine, Toby. The entertainment hasn't even shown up yet."

Angela shook her head. "Regardless, he shouldn't be up here. It's not our fault that Toby's not man enough to handle whatever they have going on done there."

There was a silence that fail over the office, all faces were avoiding Toby's glance or Angela's, trying to occupy themselves with whatever task was in front of them. Without being noticed, a gentleman in gray knickers walked through. "Did someone call from Ben Franklin?"

Meredith chuckled, walking over to the man. "Everybody come into the conference room."

Angela looked seething. "I'm supposed to say that!" She strengthened up. "Everyone come into the conference room."

Karen and Kelly looked at each other, walking in after Angela. Karen leaned over to Phyllis, "This should be interesting."

Kelly nodded. "Who thought _he_ was hot enough to work at _Banana Slings_?"

As Pam walked in, she looked over at Toby, letting a smile play on her lips. "I'll see you later."

Toby nodded, watching her walk away and closing the door behind her. He sighed, holding onto his bag and walking to his desk in the annex.

Pam looked at the spectacle as Karen and Kelly were passing out champagne, Angela refusing to drink any after finding out what it was. She sighed, wondering what kind of nonsense Michael inevitably gotten into. She watched as the impersonator talked about Ben Franklin, about his pantaloons and how Ben Franklin was an amazing man and not the cheating, father-out-of-wedlock man diseased with syphilis. She had tried to look at the little moments in the office with some humor, but she had honestly gotten tired of the same old thing. Either she was giving a funeral for a bird, having separate Christmas parties or entertaining a non-stripper. It seemed that her life was turning more into a sitcom than anything else. She was tired of it.

She took a moment to get away when Ben Franklin started flirting with Kelly and Karen, giving her a suggestive wink. She breathed easier when she saw Toby at his desk. She was going to get a cup of coffee when she saw Karen heading into the kitchen after her. "Hey."

Pam smiled. "Hey. Crazy party, huh?"

"Yeah, I know." She chuckled. "How do you think one becomes a Ben Franklin impersonator?" She shook her head. "I just figured he had the Ben Franklin wig and costume and you figure, how can I put this to good use?"

Pam nodded. "Well I like to think his Dad was a Ben Franklin impersonator and he pressured him into it."

Karen chuckled. "Right, that's a good one." They smiled some more, "Hey, um... I actually wanted to talk to you about something."

Pam braced herself for the conservation she had avoided and dreaded for the past few months as she took a sip of her coffee. "Yeah, what's up?"

Karen seemed just as uneasy about the topic, slightly putting Pam at ease. "Well, I know this is kinda weird, but Jim told me about you guys."

Pam tried to play confused, hoping her voice didn't deceive her. "What do you mean?"

"That you guys kissed. But we talked it through and it isn't a big deal." Karen seemed to notice the way Pam continued to nod. "Wait... You're not still interested in him?"

Before she could say another word, Toby came through the door. "Hey guys." He opened the door to the refrigerator, giving Pam a subtle nod. Pam didn't know what to do first. If she could breathe, she was sure she'd vomit, but her urge to give Toby a big bear hug seemed more logical and less gross.

Karen seemed slightly unsettled. "Hey, Toby." She looked at Pam, smiling slightly. "Never mind." She shook her head. "I'll see you out there, right? You can't leave me out of making some snarky remarks."

Pam nodded. "I'll be out there in a sec." She watched Karen walk back into the conference room, finally finding herself breathe again. She looked at Toby, who seemed quietly serene. She smirked, looking to see if anyone else could see them. Knowing the coast was clear, she walked over to him, giving him a quick peck on the cheek. "Thank you."

Toby looked down at her, smiling broadly. "For what?"

Pam shook her head, wondering why her thoughts wondered to a guy who she hadn't talked to more than the small niceties in passing and a conversation about helping him with his problem with his girlfriend since he'd returned. She had a perfectly good guy who obviously cared for her standing in front of her. It was then, under the lights of the kitchen, that Pam wanted Toby. She didn't want to be just friends; she wanted more. Overwhelmed by her epiphany, she chuckled. "I'll see you later today, right?"

Toby coyly ate a cheese string pack. "Yeah."

"Okay than. I'll see you later than."

Pam walked back into the conference room, seeing Karen and not feeling the lump in her throat that had been her companion in recent weeks with Karen sightings. She breathed at ease, finding that the costume was more funny than it had been ten minutes prior.

* * *

**1:12 pm**

Toby toyed with the bookmark that he bought for Pam, liking the cool sensation the chrome teacup made on his hand. He closed his eyes, trying to memorize the look of sheer gratitude that crossed Pam's face in the kitchen or the feel of her soft lips on his cheek. He tried to harness every look, touch, smell that came with Pam, knowing it was silly and borderline-creepy, but not having her for himself left him with few alternatives. He longed for more of everything, more of her touch, more of her laughter, more her smell, more of her achingly perfect smile, more of her. But he didn't want to risk the bond that was closely becoming more and more his lifeline to something real, more real than he ever shared with one woman, and he wouldn't dare lose that because he was too eager.

So he took solace in the moments that seemed to stretch between days, the hand holding, the laughter, the secret smiles, the too-infrequent embraces and the even more infrequent pecks on the cheek. He knew that he had lost her months ago when Jim returned into her life, but for a few precious days, he had had her. And by some crazy chance, they were close to what they were before. He knew that she trusted him, that he made her laugh and that he could provoke her smile to shine. If only he knew what he could do to make her see that he was worthy of her love.

He heard someone come into the annex, then saw it was only Kelly. She stopped at Toby's desk, clearing her throat. "Um... Toby?"

Toby turned in his chair. "What's up?"

Kelly played with a curl in her hair. "Uh... I was just wondering... Did you go down to the warehouse at all? 'Cause I was wondering if you happened to see Ryan, you know, checking out the rack on the skank stripper."

Toby shook his head. "Kelly... I really don't think -"

"I swear to God, if that bitch tries to take Ryan from me, I'll kick -"

Toby stood up, shaking his head. "I didn't see anything, Kelly."

Kelly blinked, suddenly at ease. "Oh, that's good. Well, never mind than." She smiled, then bounced back to the conference room.

Toby watched as the other guys walked back into the office, seemingly unsettled at the spectacle they witnessed downstairs. He noticed Stanley making a beeline to the break room, grunting as he passed Toby. "Hey, Stanley."

Stanley dug in his pocket for loose change. "Where were you?"

Toby shrugged. "I wasn't invited."

Stanley shook his head. "Aren't we so lucky?" He sighed. "I swear, if you ever figure out why Michael hates you so much, let me know."

Toby looked confused. "Why?"

Stanley chuckled, opening up his bottle of water. "So I can get him to hate me too and get out of the kind of crap I just went through. Do you know I had to eat a steak, a tough one at that, with no cutlery. And I have the sneaking suspicion that he used the same Foreman grill he burned his foot with?" He sighed. "Doesn't matter... I ate it anyway." He headed for the door, shaking his head. "You have no idea who lucky you have it."

Toby chuckled as he watched Stanley leave. He saw Pam talking to the supposed stripper, wondering what they could possibly talk about. He smirked, figuring the occurrences couldn't be explained, just experienced.

* * *

**2:43 pm**

Pam looked up, seeing Phyllis walking up. "Hey, Pam."

"Hey, Phyllis." She smiled when she noticed how tense Phyllis seemed to be. "What's going on?"

"I... uh... I was doing the final sitting chart and, um... I was -" She looked around, whispering, "I was wondering if you have a date or if I should sit you at the singles table."

Pam looked up, feeling her hands shake slightly. "Oh... uh -"

Phyllis saw the horror on Pam's face. "I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me. You can sit wherever you want!"

Pam chuckled nervously. "No, it's okay." She looked at Toby in the kitchen and she smiled. "I have a date."

"You do? I mean... you _do_! That's great, Pam. Anyone I know?"

Pam smirked. "It's a surprise." She bit her lip, getting up from her desk. "I'll talk to you later, okay?" She walked quickly to the kitchen, passing Toby. "Hey... Could I talk to you for a sec?"

Toby watched Pam walk through the door, heading into the break room. He smiled slightly, following her to the table in the back. He took a seat. "What's up?"

Pam sighed. "I kinda told Phyllis I had a date for her wedding next week." She shook her head. "So..."

Toby cleared his throat. "Um... Who's your date?"

Pam chuckled. "I don't actually have one... yet." She blushed slightly, biting her lip. "I was wondering if you wanted to take me... you know, to the wedding." She looked up, seeing Toby face flush. She panicked. "I mean, we don't have to dance together or anything. I mean, I wasn't sure if you even had a date, but if you do, don't worry about me. I can find someone at the last minute. Maybe I can ask Ryan's business school friend to go -"

"Pam!" Toby saw Pam turned a deep shade of crimson, finding her more irresistible by the minute. He tried to figure out how he had not been able to not get further with her than this, but when she smiled at him, he was reminded as his stomach made a small flip, making him feel like he was seventeen again. "I'd love to go with you."

"Really? It won't be too awkward?"

Toby shook his head. "No, of course not. We can watch Phyllis and Bob get married and laugh at whatever Michael says during his speech."

Pam stifled a giggle. "You think he's gonna make a speech**?**"

Toby nodded all too knowingly. "Of course he is."

They both giggled, when Pam took hold of his hand briefly. "What would I do without you, Toby?"

Toby looked at her again, hating that he couldn't just tell her that he got up in the morning on the notion that he'd see her that day. That he hated the weekend because it was forty-eight hours away from her light. That the thought that Pam even took the time to speak to him still boggled his mind. That not being around her was like not breathing. He wanted to tell her, he longed to tell her, but he just squeezed her hand back, letting the touching of each other blend into the memories of her smell, her smile and her unfailing ability to make life bearable.

Pam stood up. "So... I'm wearing brown, if that helps."

"Okay. I'll wear something that will look nice with that." He chuckled. "You know what I mean."

Pam nodded. "We have a few days before the big day, we'll figure out everything else before then." She headed toward the door. "Call me later."

"Will do." He watched her go. Being seventeen again wasn't the worst feeling in the world.

* * *

_And that's it for now... The next chapter is one many of you have been waiting for. I hope you all continue to read and please review, as always!_


	9. The Wedding

_**Disclaimer: I do not own The Office. You hear that, NBC?!**_

_A/N: I'm so glad that many of you have found my little story entertaining. I was fearful that people kind of left this story in the dust; fortunately, you guys are awesome and continue to make me smile with every review. This particular episode was so underrated in my opinion. Okay, okay... enough of my rambling. Here is the next installment!_

**February 13, 2008**

**12****:34 am**

Pam was digging through her jewelry box, finding the pearl earrings her grandmother had given her on her eighteenth birthday. She smiled at her reflection, making the final adjustments to her dress, feeling another eruption of butterflies in her stomach. Here she was again, getting herself ready to see someone, discovering that this time around she felt far less anxious.

Back in November, when Jim had returned, she found her rhythm had been less fluid than it now was. She hadn't known what to expect. She had been optimistic, but hesitant to give into her doubts, fearful that they would be true. She had had days that felt like weeks before she had to face them head on, accelerated by thoughts of the past and made anxious by scenarios that ran in constant loops in her mind. But only one had become a reality. Back then, what she was thinking had felt right, seemed to be what she wanted. Now, as time progressed, she was surprised to discover that she was wishing for a future that didn't fit into that old reality but might actually be a good thing for her.

She smiled, knowing that today was different. Her doubts were gone as to how she felt about Toby, after months of struggling to accept her feelings, finally seeing past her insecurities and embracing her ambitions with another man. She wanted to be with him. He made her feel better than she had felt in months, being the shoulder that she had relayed on, the voice of reason in her sometimes hectic mind and the hand that had kept her grounded when she felt like the world was too much to bear. She had began to revolve her days when she would be able to talk to him, show him a new drawing or share with him what was on her mind, finding the acts cathartic but intimate. She was finally becoming a person that she wanted to be, a person she was proud of being. She looked in the mirror one last time, approving of her reflection, then left her bedroom, grabbing her coat and heading out the door.

....

Toby straightened his tie for the umpteenth time as he looked at his reflection in the mirror. He tried to steady his breathing, finding the task more difficult than usual. He didn't want to feel this nervous, but how could he not be? He was going to the wedding of his coworker with Pam. _Pam... I going to a wedding with Pam... with our coworkers... with Pam... _my _Pam_. He knew it was too soon to call Pam his own, but with each passing day, it was getting harder to only be her friend. He wanted more, he deserved more and for a brief moment, he resented the hold she had over him and his lack of courage. He had always been so awful when it came to actually going after his dreams and ambitions, always finding something that would negate his attempts to pursue them. He didn't want to be the kind of guy who let opportunity after opportunity pass him by, and his chance with Pam was no exception. He couldn't let her slip away again, and he was determined that he would tell her just that tonight. He wanted her, he wanted them, he wanted to feel good and not feel guilty about it.

He was reminded again that he would have to deal with all of this in the company of coworkers. He tried not to think about the stares they might get, the reaction from some of them, especially Michael, but he knew he was the least of his troubles. He knew that there was a certain salesman who wouldn't be too pleased, one whom he had considered a friend, and he couldn't help but think that that very friendship could come to a demise that night. He didn't want to get himself involved in Pam and Jim's past or present state, but as he found himself falling deeper in love with Pam, there was no alternative. He hated having to be that person, the guy that took a friend's love interest away, but he was tired of being the guy that got pushed aside for the more charming ones. He found he was feeling less guilty about the situation each day. He deserved to have some happiness in his life and he knew that being with Pam would bring him the joy he has longed for. He hoped he could give her the same in return.

As he walked to his car, heading to meet Pam at the church, he was reminded of his own wedding. Shannon, his ex-wife, was a vision as she walked toward him and at the time, he felt he didn't deserve her. Shannon was the ambitious type, always looking for more in everything, her job, her life and in herself. He was baffled at how they had found each other, meeting in college shortly after he transferred to the Scranton campus. She was smart and beautiful and witty--all characteristics that he felt he lacked--but for some reason, she liked him. Eventually, they had began to depend on one another and when Shannon's father died suddenly, Toby never felt the need to be there for someone as much as he did then.

It wasn't until their wedding that things began to turn for the worse. Nothing seemed to go right the entire day, from the ceremony to the reception, like it was all foreshadowing more disappointment. As the months and years progressed, Shannon's ambitions became greater as Toby's faltered due to his lack of confidence and motivation. He had always known that Shannon would succeed in anything she tried, and next to that, he fell short. It hadn't taken long before little bouts of bickering turned into fights that lasted hours, or even days, in which they would barely look at each other. When Shannon became pregnant, things seemed to turn for the better for a short time, but within months of Sasha's birth, things crumbled at a more alarming rate than before, leading to separate apartments and eventually being served divorce papers during a meeting at Dunder Mifflin.

Now, removed from the shock of separation, he was able to appreciate the time he had with Sasha, the only good thing about being with Shannon. For all the things he had been through and all the things he would ever accomplish, she was his greatest triumph. He knew he would never feel a greater euphoria than holding her and knowing that she was his. It was her small face that had kept him from doing unthinkable acts in moments of desperation and until recently was his reason of getting up in the morning. But as he drove up the driveway of the modest church on the edge of town, he got the familiar feeling that he was on top of the world, knowing that he might have someone to get up for again.

* * *

**1:26 pm**

Pam drove up the driveway of the church, seeing Toby had already pulled in. She took a few breaths before she walked out. She felt the sharp February breeze rush through her curls, shaking her head as she watched Toby get out of his car. She inhaled briefly, taken aback by Toby's simple suit. It hugged his shoulders differently than his other suits did, but it was something about the way his face lit up as she walked toward him that made all the difference. She blushed lightly, walking up to him. "You clean up pretty nicely."

Toby shrugged. "I try." He shook his head. "You look... you look beautiful, Pam." He smiled again, blushing bashfully. "I'm sorry, it's just... Wow."

Pam rolled her eyes. "Way to make me blush, Toby." She playfully hit him on the shoulder, smiling throughout. "I guess we'd better get in there, huh?"

Toby looked up at the church, seeing other couples and coworkers walk toward the entrance. He looked back at Pam, finding it hard not to tuck a fallen strand of hair behind her ear. "Let's watch Phyllis get married."

Pam nodded. "Yeah. Sounds like a plan." Without thinking, she took his hand. "We better hurry up. I think they might be starting."

As they walked in, dropping their coats off at the coat check, Pam led Toby inside, finding an open seat near the back. Pam slid in, smiling as Toby took a seat next to her. She scooted over, feeling slightly apprehensive as several pairs of eyes turned their way. She felt her throat constrict, thinking that this whole 'wedding date' idea was silly, when she felt Toby slip his hand into hers. She held onto his clammy hand, a surge of relief flooding though her. She breathed slowly, closing her eyes and trying to separate herself from the staring, judging eyes. She was here with Toby. She wanted to be here with Toby. Toby was her date and that was that. She leaned closer to him. "Thanks."

Toby simply smiled. "Of course."

* * *

**4:43 pm**

As the ceremony came to a close and everyone migrated to the reception hall, Pam found herself less anxious and was able to admire the décor, the color scheme and even Phyllis' dress. She tried to not be upset with her. It was her own fault throwing away several notebooks from her desk when she ended the engagement with Roy back in June. At the time, she couldn't even deal with them being in her apartment. She'd been trying so hard to separate herself from that relationship as much as possible. She looked across the hall, seeing him smile slightly as he returned her stare. She sighed, knowing that a part of her heart would always belong to Roy, even if they never seemed to really get each other. He was as much a part of her life as Jim, or even Toby, but only through finally moving on and pursuing the things in her life that she wanted and needed could she be able to feel like a whole person again.

In the past few months, little pieces of herself returned gradually. She could wake up a little early in the morning to watch the sunrise. She had always liked the few mornings when she drove by herself, passing the park near the elementary school, and now she took that route whenever she wanted. She could stay up all night finishing a good book without having to worry having the light would bother anyone. She missed having someone there, but the thought of having something for herself that was all hers made having someone there a novelty, not a necessity. She glanced to her left, seeing Toby, Oscar and Gil. She smiled slightly at the thought of Phyllis putting her here with them, realizing that Phyllis was perhaps the smartest person in the office.

Oscar leaned over. "So, I was thinking our first meeting should be next Tuesday. The sales team are supposed to have a meeting, so we can do it then."

Toby nodded. "Yeah, sounds good. It'll keep Michael distracted for a while."

Pam fumbled. "I might have to take notes."

Toby turned, smiling. "Just say that you have to answer phones. That usually gets you out of it."

Pam chuckled. "Yeah, I suppose." She fidgeted slightly, worrying that Michael interfere with the an event she had been looking forward to for days. Toby told her about the club earlier that week and they had figured they could talk about what they wanted to do during lunch at work and the reception. She had been pulling books out of her closet all week, excited at the prospect of talking to people that shared the same interest in literature and art and anything more stimulating than answering the phone and drawing sketches of staplers and pencil cups. She couldn't wait to explore the option of talking to others at work that were on a similar wavelength as her, and it was another place where she could be with Toby. "I just really want this to happen."

Oscar nodded. "Yeah, me too. Imagine, we could actually enjoy a day at work." They all chuckled as the food was served.

Gil smirked. "Have you discussed what you wanted to do during the first meeting?" A silence took over the table, all the others blinking vacantly. He chuckled. "Figures."

Oscar objected. "We talked a little bit about it, but every time we try, we get ambushed by the rest of the office." He sighed. "I didn't want the first meeting entirely about what we should do during the meeting."

Toby and Pam nodded in agreement. Pam cleared her throat. "What did you want as the first topic or book or whatever?"

Oscar lit up instantly. "Definitely a book." He looked around the table. "Is there a book we've all read?"

Toby nodded slightly. "Uh... can we all say that we've read a Hemingway book?"

Oscar scrunched up his face. "Yeah, but who wants to talk about him?"

Gil smiled. "I love Hemingway. He's so dark and moody. You never know he's capable of doing yet you're still willing to predict because you feel like you can actually reach his genius."

Pam nodded. "Exactly. I loved reading him in school. I think I might have been the only one who actually did, but I did enjoy reading his... outlook on things. It was so far removed from my own, but it was so fascinating."

Toby folded his hands on the table. "That settles it than. We'll discuss Hemingway."

Oscar rolled his eyes. "But why?"

Toby chuckled. "What better way to have a thought-provoking first meeting than having our discussion about one of the most thought-provoking authors of our time? We all have opinions about the guy; we might as well discuss them in more depth."

Oscar nodded. "I suppose. Well, we can bring one of his works with us, and discuss in general." He chuckled. "This will definitely be interesting."

Pam smiled. "Yeah. I mean, I could talk about Hemingway all day." She smiled slightly when she watched Toby smiling at her. It wasn't the smile that made her tremble, it was the look in his eyes. Something lay under the surface and with one movement of her own, she might break it.

Without warning, Toby took her hand. "Would you like to dance?"

Pam blushed thoroughly. "Uh, sure." She watched as Oscar and Gil gave each other similar looks of approval as Toby led her to the dance floor. She could feel her other coworkers give them sidelong glances, small whispers and judging eyes. She felt herself tremble, but as soon as Toby laid one hand on her waist, taking her hand into his, her breath steadied. She smiled under his watchful eye, finding his eyes not judging but comforting, hoping that he would always look at her like he did under the twinkling lights of the reception hall. It made the floor a sea of spots, and she wonderedwhere they would land next. She let go of his hand, resting both her arms on his shoulders. She saw the smile on Toby's face widen, causing her to smile wider as well. "Hi."

Toby chuckled. "Hi." They shuffled around, swaying lightly when Pam's eyes landed on Jim's. He was dancing with Karen, both looking completely perfect in their matching ensembles. A distant, wistful look materialized on his face as he watched her and Toby dance along to the same song. Pam felt the heat raise to her face when she realized that Toby had stopped dancing and was looking at her with concern.

"Are you alright?"

Pam nodded. "Yeah. I'm fine. It's just -" She stopped short, feeling ashamed. "I'm sorry."

Toby shook his head. "Don't be." The song ended and the small bubble that surrounded her and Toby popped. She felt the sudden rush of cool air between them, hating herself for allowing it to happen. She kept reminding herself that this is what she wanted. She wanted to be with Toby. Toby squeezed her hand. "You want to get something to drink?"

Pam chuckled. "I'm not sure they have something as strong as I'd like." Toby chuckled as he let go of her hand. Pam nodded. "I'll be right back." Toby nodded as he headed back to their table.

Pam sighed as she walked over to the small mini bar. She ordered a glass of red wine when she felt someone behind her. She braced herself, turning around and finding Michael behind her, his arms folded. "Really, Pam? Flenderson?" He shook his head in disgust. "Of all the things you've done in the last few months, this has to be the most pathetic. I mean, c'mon Pam, you can do _so _much better than... God, I can't even say his name." He raised his hands in exasperation. "You're a smart girl. Why would you want to be with -"

"Shut up, Michael!" She looked around, seeing everyone around her stop dancing, watching the little scene that unfolded. She grabbed her glass, pulling her shawl closer to her and walking away. She headed back to the table, but Toby wasn't anywhere to be seen.

"He went to the bathroom." Oscar shrugged, giving her a sympathetic grimace. "You can sit here until he comes back. We can talk about next month's meeting since I didn't get any say in this month's." He smiled, but realized that it would take a little more than a small joke to break Pam from her reverie.

Pam sniffled. "I'm gonna go outside for some fresh air. Tell Toby I'll be right back." Oscar nodded as she headed for the nearest exit. As she walked toward it, Dwight tried to stop her.

"Are you coming back?"

Pam looked up Dwight, completely exhausted with the amount of questions she was being fielded. "Yes. Now let me through." She didn't wait for a response, pushing past him toward the side of the building. The rush of the cold February evening hit her like a freight train. She relished in its abrasive touch, wanting to drown in it, if only to escape the inevitable stares that awaited her inside. She didn't hear the door open behind her, but she felt another person standing next to her and knew who it was.

* * *

**7:18 pm**

Jim stood there for a moment without saying anything. Pam was apprehensive to speak first, not sure what she would say. What could she say? She could feel the months of tension between the two of them, waiting to be spoken, waiting to have life breathed into them, waiting to have its voice. Before she had her chance, Jim cleared his throat. "How long?"

Pam knew what he meant. She had been expecting the question as soon as she saw him staring at her in the church earlier that day. "A few months."

She felt the air leave Jim's lungs as if a shift in the world had occurred. "Was it before or after--"

"A little before. But..." She didn't know how to really express her and Toby to anyone. They hadn't even properly kissed yet. It was difficult to pinpoint exactly what they were, but she knew she owed Jim some kind of explanation. "It's not official or anything, but--"

"You want it to be." He sighed, finally facing her. It had been a while since they were that close to each other. She looked up and saw the hurt that was in his eyes, wanting so much to not have the affect she did on him, knowing that he had the same one on her.

"Jim..." She had to say his name, just to confirm that she wasn't hallucinating or having another one of her many dreams about the two of them, trying to explain to him, to herself, what she wanted. For a long time, she wanted him. She thought that he was what she needed to be herself and be the person that she wanted to be. But as she looked into his eyes, the man that stood before wasn't the same one from her dreams. He seemed so far removed from his cold stare to his hands that was firmly in his pockets. The whole realization caused her to shiver violently. For a brief moment, she saw Jim's hands move slightly, but they remained in his pockets. "I'm sorry... for everything."

"Don't be." He sighed. "I left. I went to Stamford. I never thought I'd ever come back."

"Than why did you?" It was a question that plagued her for the last three months. Why?

Jim leaned over the handrail, looking over the parking lot. He chuckled. "I don't know. I mean, I thought that maybe, just maybe, there might have been something... anything that was still--" He turned around, looking at Pam. "Still between us."

Pam sighed. She had always known that was the answer, even if she'd wished she was wrong, but now it was undeniable. He had come back for her. And, even more surprising to her, she was unmoved. She thought when he finally admitted it, all her questions would be answered and she finally have some idea as to what she was going to do, but she was more confused than ever. "I am sorry. But you did leave."

Jim nodded, looking back at the parking lot. "That I did."

"And you have Karen." She felt the usual lump lessen as she uttered her name. It didn't hurt as much, if at all. "And she really cares about you."

"Yeah...." He looked back at her. "So... Toby, huh?" He shook his head. "I mean... That explains a lot."

Pam looked confused. "What do you mean?"

Jim chuckled. "It's just every time I talked to the guy, he looked like I was gonna have him whacked if he moved an inch." He sighed, putting his hands in his hands in his pockets again. "Is he good to you?"

Pam didn't falter when she spoke with a smile. "Yes."

Jim nodded. "Okay, then." He headed for the door, stopping short as he looked back at Pam. "Take it easy, Beesly." With that, he left her alone with her thoughts. She didn't know what to do, laugh or cry. Both seemed to be an appropriate response, but all she wanted to was have Toby gather her up in his arms. She needed him, wanted him more than she ever had in her life. She knew she could never be to Jim as he was to her or be that for him ever again. That had ended, and in that moment, she knew she could finally let go. She didn't want to not have Jim in her life, but she knew it would take much longer than a few months to truly be right with him. She looked out into the parking lot when she heard the door open again. She was afraid to turn around, but relieved when she felt her coat being wrapped around her.

"You must be freezing." Toby rubbed her arms, a feeble attempt at trying to warm her, when Pam turned around and trembled in his arms, sobbing. He was slightly overwhelmed by it, but he wrapped her in his arms, holding her as she cried. He didn't ask her what happened. He didn't say anything. He just held her. He held her for fifteen minutes. He simply let her cry and he knew that they had never been closer.

After a while, Pam finally caught her breath. "Hi."

Toby wiped her cheek, another fallen tear escaping beneath his fingers. "Hi". He tucked a curl behind her ear, finding her more beautiful than he ever had. She was perfect. "You wanna get of here?"

Pam smirked. "Yes, please." She watched Toby produce her clutch from his pocket.

Toby shrugged. "I figured with the look Oscar gave me, you would want to leave."

"Thanks." She headed toward the door, when Toby took her hand.

"We don't have to go back. I told Phyllis I was gonna take you home."

"Phyllis!" She had been so preoccupied with everything she forgot about the one person that today was all about. "I feel like a jerk."

"You should." He chuckled when Pam hit him on his shoulder. "It's okay. Phyllis was so busy, I'm sure she didn't even notice." He took her hand, leading her down the slippery stairwell.

* * *

When they reached their cars, Pam paused. "Could we go for a walk?"

"It's freezing outside."

"So?" She took his hand again, leading them to the street. They walked in silence for a while, just holding hands. Pam's mind was spinning, not sure where to start first: her yelling at Michael or her altercation with Jim. She honestly wasn't ready to fully comprehend what happen with Jim, but she knew that at any rate, she was happy with who she was standing beside. She stopped short when they entered a nearby park. "Toby -"

"I want you." There it was. Toby felt his hands shake like he did when he was a child. _What the fuck?_ He just let it slip out without warning. He had this little speech planned out and everything. He was going to tell her how much she meant to him, how he felt that he could be a whole man again with her in his life and how they could be amazing if they give them a chance. But like everything else in his life, he seemed to ruin whatever little moment they could have had by opening his mouth. Feeling mortified, he went back to his usual tactic, panic. "I'm sorry. I mean, I do want you, I mean, that's if you want me and I just... I care about you so much and I want to know if you and I could be good together, and I think we could and I -" He was halted by Pam's lips on his. For a moment, he thought he was having another one of those dreams in where Pam was a goddess, descending down from the heavens and only had eyes for him. But when she didn't pull away, but rather deepened the kiss, he wrapped his arms around her waist, taking her up as he did just moments ago, only now he felt more alive than he had in years. Feeling her cry in his arms caused him more pain than he had felt in years, like going back to being there with Shannon and those bleak weeks abroad. But now, she wasn't only letting him in, she was embracing it.

Pam pulled away, smiling. "I want you too." She giggled, filling the air around them with a heavenly cloud from her lungs. She walked into his arms, leaning into him. "I want to be with you."

Toby kissed her hair as she rested her head on his shoulder. "I want to be with you, too." For a second time that evening, Toby held Pam. But this time, there was no tears, only silence, both of them soaking up the possibilities that seemed infinite as they stood there in the warm embrace.

After several minutes, Pam looked up at Toby. "You wanna come back to my place?"

Toby was startled by her boldness, but nodded. "Yes."

They walked back to their cars, seeing that many cars were still there. Pam looked around. "I guess everyone is still inside."

"Yeah." Toby still held unto her hand, pulling Pam closer to him to give her a small kiss. He chuckled, "Sorry... it's just -"

Pam giggled. "It's okay. I like your kisses." She blushed, trying to dig for her keys. "You wanna take my car or--"

"Yeah."

"What about yours?" They both looked at it, scrunching up their faces.

Toby shrugged. "It'll be fine. I can take a cab later." He didn't want to say in the morning or tomorrow, insinuating anything. He had it finally confirmed that Pam wanted to be with him; he wasn't going to ruin the moment again with his mouth.

Pam nodded. "Okay." She got into her car, opening his side. When they both got into the car, she felt Toby take her hand again, finding it so endearing how he wanted to touch her. As they drove, she was getting anxious. She had never been the first person to initiate these sort of things. She usually went along with whatever the guy wanted, which was always Roy. As they pulled into her parking lot, she sighed. "I-- "

"We don't have to do anything you're not ready for. I can still go call a cab now if you want me to."

Pam smiled. "How can you be this nice?"

Toby shrugged. "Always been my problem." They both chuckled when Pam opened up her car door.

* * *

**8:56 pm**

They walked up to her apartment door when Pam stopped. "Okay... You are the only other person besides my mom who has set foot in here. What you will see may shock you. You have been warned."

Toby nodded. "Okay. But if I see some weird creature of the swampy deep in the corner, I'm gone."

Pam smirked. "Fair enough. But I have you know that his name's Ted and he's a perfect gentleman." They chuckled when she opened the door. Toby looked around the apartment, finding his eyes land on sketches of hers, small little scans of other paintings, books on every flat surface and two coffee mugs. He knew it was completely Pam.

"I know it's tiny... ridiculously tiny, but it's all mine." She took off her coat, taking Toby's. "Well, find a seat if you can." She watched as Toby drifted over to the bookcase, looking at her books. She grabbed her sketch book from the couch, stuffing it the bookshelf at the door.

"You weren't kidding about Hemingway, huh?" He looked at several books about Hemingway, along with some other classics, with a few little chick-lit books stuffed in between for good measure and her copy of _Madame Bovery_. He loved her more with each passing moment.

Pam chuckled. "Oh, yeah. He's one of my favorite authors. I could read him everyday."

Toby grabbed one of his collective books from the shelf, flipping through the book, finding little notes in the margins throughout. "You just don't seem like the--"

"Type? Yeah, I know." She plopped down on her easy chair. "I guess when I read his work, I thought I could escape my boundaries that I created for myself in my life and embrace the hardness that he writes. I mean, he writes of love and war, but with him, he makes it all seem so... cynical but at the same time, he makes it believable." She shrugged. "I guess I like to think that I wish I could be more like that. He inspires me."

Toby watched on as she spoke, feeling goosebumps crawl on his arms. She was too good be true, too amazing to be real, and for the life of him, he knew he would never quite understand what she saw in him.

Pam stood up. "I'll be right back. Gonna get out of this dress." She walked through the little opening. "Make yourself at home."

Toby still held the book in his hands, taking a seat on the couch. A few minutes later, Pam came back with bag of chips, two beers and several DVDs in her hand. "I figured we could use some good escapism." She sat next to Toby on the couch, handing him a beer. She chuckled. "You can loosen your tie. We're not at the reception anymore."

Toby chuckled. "If you insist." He pulled it, feeling some of the light tension disappear as Pam scooted closer to him. He looked over at her, taking in her sweats and her hair pulled back in a messy ponytail. What did him in was the kitten on her stained tee shirt, making her more attainable, more human than the goddess he envisioned in the cold evening in the confines of his house. She let him into her sanctum, and he was determined to never let her regret it.

"So, what are you in the mood for? I have _Breakfast at Tiffany's_, _Wayne's World_, _Rebel Without a Cause_, _Annie Hall_ - "

"_Wayne's World_?"

"I'll have you know that it is cinematic genius." She giggled. "Besides, I just wanted to see your reaction."

Toby picked up _Annie Hall_. "Let's watch this one."

Pam smiled. "I hope you'd pick this one. It's one of my all-time faves. After the Princess Bride, of course."

"_Annie Hall_ was one of my desert island picks."

"That's right. I forgot about that." She opened the bag of chips as Toby took another swig of beer. As the credits began to roll, Pam leaned over, resting her head on Toby's shoulder. She thought about when they played that game, and the other game they'd played, "Who Would You Do?" She smirked when she remembered saying 'Toby' in the little circle of women. She never really gave it much thought until now, but she knew there was always something about Toby that set him apart. She had always had feelings for Jim and she would always love Roy, but with Toby, she felt something that she only felt after her dad would check her bedroom at night for monsters: safe. "I'm glad we're doing this."

Toby wrapped his arm around Pam, pulling her closer to him. "Me, too." He gave her a soft kiss on her temple, wanting to be like this with her always. "Me, too."

* * *

_And that's it for now, folks! I hope you like it! More coming soon! Big thanks to BasementOfTheMansion for her awesome beta'ing skills. Thanks, love! --- MrsBigTuna_


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